AT DA SCHWARZ HOUSE

"I'd say we have about two hours to make you look like Omi." Crawford assessed.

"What are you going to do to me?" Nagi asked, somewhat nervous. Sure, he looked quite a bit like Omi, but he was still about two inches shorter and had much darker hair.

"First we need to take care of the hair. What do you think? It's pretty dark…we might need to bleach his hair before we dye it." Schuldig noted, poking around at Nagi's scalp.

"Wh-what? Can't we just get a wig?" Nagi asked.

"Oh sure, if you wanna spend all day wig hunting be my guest." Schuldig called as he headed for his room.

"Do you actually have any bleach?" Nagi asked, knowing the answer already. If it involved his personal torture and pain, of course it would be handy.

"Sure! I have some leftover from that time I bleached my hair. It's a little old, but it should still work." Schuldig answered.

"You mean that time you turned your hair green?" Crawford asked.

"WHAT?!" Nagi screeched. "You're not turning my hair green!"

"Oh calm down. It only turned green because he went swimming." Farfarello answered.

"Oh yes, I decided to go swimming. In my clothes." Schuldig snapped, returning with the bleach.

"You looked funny when you didn't realize it was the shallow end." Farfarello said quietly.

Crawford read the instructions on the bleach box. "Okay, we need plastic gloves to protect our hands."

"And you're putting that stuff on my head?" Nagi asked.

"Well I suppose you could do it yourself if you don't want our help." Schuldig supplied.

"Okay, I want Crawford to do it! I don't trust you. Or you. I want you to stay away from my head."

<What about inside your head?>

"Out! Get out!" Nagi yelled.

"What's that horrible smell?" Farfarello asked. "Smells like burning and pain."

Crawford had mixed the bleach.

"Jeezus, crack a window!" Schuldig complained loudly.

"Shut up. So…do I just dump it on his head?" Crawford asked.

"No!" Nagi wailed, covering his head with his hands. "That's it-I quit!" He took off at a run.

"Someone grab him!" Crawford ordered.

The three chased after him. Nagi was heading towards his bedroom, which had an impressive lock on the door. He used his powers to slam it open and slid towards safety.

He almost made it too, before Schuldig grabbed his legs and tugged him back towards the kitchen.

"LET ME GO!!" Nagi yelled. He slammed Schuldig into the ceiling, but Schuldig didn't let go of him so he hit the ceiling as well, which stunned him and they both dropped to the floor in a heap.

Crawford and Farfarello stood over them.

"Now that that's out of your system, are you ready to have your head bleached?" Crawford asked calmly.

"You ask me as though you're giving me a choice." Nagi snapped.

LITTLE LATER

<Is it supposed to do that?> Crawford thought at Schuldig.

<It didn't do that when I did my hair.> Schuldig answered.

"Well your hair is lighter. We had to leave it in longer for Nagi." Crawford answered.

Nagi turned to look at the others. They all looked semi-nervous, and he could tell that they were communicating without letting him hear it.

"What's going on? Is my head supposed to be burning like this?" Nagi asked.

"Oh good, he can still feel it." Schuldig said under his breath.

"What?" Nagi asked.

"When we rinse it, are we supposed to shampoo or just use water?" Crawford asked.

"That's a good question." Schuldig answered.

Nagi whimpered.

"Well…well we should probably rinse it anyway. Soon. Schuldig turn on the water!" Crawford snapped, sounding more uneasy as he went.

"R-right." Schuldig had a nice big, fake smile plastered onto his face, as did Crawford. "Don't worry kid, you'll be fine."

'Schu's being nice to me'. Nagi thought to himself. "OH GOD I'M DYING!!"

"Just get under the sink." Crawford tried to sound reassuring, but the fact that he all but carried Nagi to the sink didn't have a very reassuring effect.

"Hold your hands over your face, you don't want that stuff in your eyes!" Schuldig called as Crawford turned on the water and began scrubbing at Nagi's head.

"OW!! Do you have to pull at it? Why is everyone freaking out? What's going on?!" Nagi sobbed. It was a bit muffled by the hands over his face and the sound of the running water.

"Should his hair be smoking like that?" Farfarello asked. He'd just returned from the drug store with a box of cornsilk blond dye.

"SMOKING?!?!" Nagi screamed.

"Hold still Nagi, you're going to drown if you keep thrashing!" Crawford yelled, now annoyed.

"It burns!" Nagi yelled.

"I told you not to move, that's what you get!" Crawford shouted above Nagi's wailing.

"The sink's filling up with water." Farfarello noted.

"Yeah, it does that when it's plugged." Crawford snapped.

"Since when did we have a plug for the kitchen sink?" Farfarello asked.

"Since Nagi's hair started falling out and plugging it up." Schuldig noted.

Nagi had ceased to scream his outrage and instead was letting out a continuous wail of displeasure.

"Will you stop that?! The neighbors are going to think we're killing you or something! They'll call social services again!" Crawford snapped.

"THEY ARE KILLING ME!! THEY'RE DROWNING ME IN THE SI-" His scream was cut off by Crawford pushing him under the water.

"Schuldig, grab his arms so he stops flailing."

"Righto. Well the bleach is out. Farf, did you mix the dye yet?" Schuldig asked.

"All set." Farfarello responded.

"Quick, let's dye his hair now while he's pinned." Crawford muttered.

Everyone was now wet and angry, except Farfarello, who was enjoying himself quite a bit.

Crawford let Nagi up for some air. He sucked in a huge gulp, coughed a bit, and then continued to yell at them.

"I hate you all! All of you! I didn't use to hate you quite so much Crawford, but I really hate you now! I hate you all more than cancer! I ha-" He was then plunged under the water again.

SKIPPY SKIPPY

"You look lovely, really. Blond suits you." Schuldig answered, then broke off into a snicker.

Nagi's eye was twitching. They couldn't tell if it was the bleach, or the anger. Blond didn't suit him that well at all, because of the incredibly angry, almost scary expression on his face. Otherwise he would have looked very cute.

"We just have the matter of height and clothing to deal with now." Crawford noted. "Which should be easy enough. We'll send you off in the clothes Omi was wearing. Then you'll have his closet when you get there."

"And the height?" Nagi asked.

"Maybe no one will notice." Schuldig muttered.

"Well…just in case, I had Farfarello get you these." Crawford answered, handing Nagi a shoe-box.

Nagi pulled out a pair of white platform sneakers. Seconds earlier, they all would have thought it wasn't possible for Nagi to look more angry or insulted. They were proven wrong. "These are girl shoes."

"And the kid dresses like a girl. Either that or he's gay. Very, very gay." Schuldig noted dryly.

"They've got pink butterflies on them! I'm not wearing these." Nagi said flatly, shoving the box back to Crawford. "I can hover."

"You are damn well not going to hover! We've gone through too much for this cover, now wear the damn shoes!" Crawford snapped, what little of his patience that had remained was now gone.

"You went through too much?! I'm the one that was drowned in a sink full of bleach! I'm the one that lost hair! Fuck you!" Nagi screamed. Then he was slapped across the face.

"Don't sass me boy! There's no crying in baseball!" Crawford yelled.

"What?" Schuldig asked, more confused than anything else.
"I…I don't know. It's from a movie, I just felt like saying it." Crawford said with a shrug.

"Guess I haven't seen it." Schuldig muttered.

"I'll wear the girl shoes." Nagi said, giving in.