"Rumors?" Schuldig feigned innocence.

"Yeah. Something about me getting a sex change. I was called down to guidance this morning to have a talk with the school social worker. Apparently one of my guardians called me out of school last week saying I was in Switzerland undergoing a sex change surgery. And it doesn't take a lot of effort to figure out which one of my guardians would have said that!"

Schuldig shrugged. "You were out doing that job with Farf, and Crawford told me to call you out. He didn't say what to say so I just improvised and ran with it."

"Improvised and ran with it?" Nagi's tone sounded downright dangerous now.

"Can you move out of the way? I'm trying to watch my cartoons." Schuldig complained, shifting in his seat to try to see around Nagi, who was standing smack in the middle of the view of the TV, hands balled into fists and eyes narrowed to slits.

"People were trying to figure out if I was originally a girl and had been living as a boy, or if I was originally a boy and was going to start living as a girl. Someone asked me why I didn't have a boob job and there's this guy on the basketball team who's been checking me out and he hit on me today! I stuffed myself in my own locker Schuldig!"

"That's nice." Schu had ceased his shifting and was now seated at a very awkward angle with his neck craned around Nagi.

"Are you even listening to me?!" Nagi screamed.

"That's very interesting Nagi." Schuldig responded.

"Nagi don't kill him, Schuldig put some pants on." Crawford said, sounding bored as he walked into the room.

"Do you know what he did?!" Nagi shrieked.
"Yes. I got a call from your school this morning. You rushed out of guidance before they could tell you about their Gay Straight Alliance, there's a meeting tomorrow afternoon for new members." Crawford answered.

"So you know what he did!" Nagi established, carefully ignoring the bit about the GSA. "Why can't I kill him!?"

"You can kill him after we've liberated ourselves from Esset." Crawford answered slowly.

"Ay!" Schuldig exclaimed.

"Well you shouldn't have told the school he was a transgender." Crawford scolded.

"Well I wouldn't have bothered if I'd known he was gonna get all touchy about it! Would you have preferred if I didn't call you out, and they'd had you down as skipping? Huh, would you have preferred a detention?" Schuldig demanded.

"YES!!" Nagi screamed, finally losing his temper and hurling his backpack at Schuldig's head. Schu dodged it and it hit the wall with enough force to send cracks into the plaster up to the ceiling.

Nagi rounded on Schuldig, a psychotic glint in his eye, and Schuldig still wasn't paying full attention to him. Crawford yanked Schuldig up by his arm and started pushing him towards the hallway.

He called over his shoulder to Nagi. "We can transfer you to another school in a few minutes." He then shoved Schuldig into his still generally clean room. "He really is going to kill you if you aren't more careful."

"What, did you See something?" Schuldig asked.

"I have no intention of having to clean itty bitty pieces of your brain and skull off of the kitchen, so please leave him alone for awhile!" Crawford fumed.

"Is this a bad time to mention I crashed his computer downloading porn?" Schuldig asked.

"Why the fuck were you downloading porn?" Crawford demanded, voice taking on a hysterical edge.

"Because you do not answer people's questions!" Schuldig snapped back.

A FEW DAYS EARLIER…

Crawford was happy, uncharacteristically so. His gleeful smile was reminiscent of that of a small child's during Christmas.

Nagi and Farfarello watched him apprehensively, and then eased up as he walked past them and handed a manila mission folder to Schuldig. It occurred to Farfarello and Nagi that Crawford had never sought his revenge for the lamb, and they watched eagerly as Schuldig sifted through the folder, mumbling under his breath.

"Solo mission…kill business man…knows too much…frequents sketchy establishments…undercover…Crawford what the hell's a plushie?"

Nagi's eyebrows shot up. "You're not talking about what I think you're talking about, are you?" Nagi asked.

"Well take down your mental shielding so I can check." Schuldig snapped, flipping through the papers. "And a furrie? How can I go undercover as something when I don't even know what it is?"

Nagi fell out of his chair laughing, and Crawford regarded him sternly. "How do you know what it is? Aren't you a little young for that?"

"You stumble into all sorts of weird shit in chatrooms." Nagi said weakly through giggles. "I'll buy you a bear suit Schu!"

"I'm serious guys. What the fuck's a plushie?" Schuldig demanded. Nagi returned to his hysterical bouts of laughter, and Crawford adopted a smug smile.

LITTLE LATER

Schuldig "borrowed" Nagi's laptop while he was doing an unrelated job with Farf and did a search on the words plushie and furrie. For the first few pages they were simply erotic images involving animals, and he still had no clue what the fuck he was supposed to be going undercover as.

The longer he searched, the more he got an idea of what he was going to have to do. Especially when he followed a link to one plushie's homepage. It finally dawned on him.

"They want me to dress as a giant stuffed animal, go to a club and solicit people for sex. In the animal suits." Schuldig said slowly. It was like the reverse of S & M.

Disgusted, disturbed, insulted and slight turned on (and even more disgusted and disturbed at that last one), he clicked on another link to try to figure out the mechanics of fucking in a giant teddy bear suit when the computer crashed. He used his very limited knowledge of computers to try to get it to turn back on, and decided that he'd made it worse since it hadn't been smoking when he'd started.

He calmly walked out into the kitchen where Crawford was reading a newspaper and (lucky for Schu) immersed in his own little world. Schuldig edged by him, very casually grabbed the fire extinguisher and silently walked back to Nagi's room, which was starting to become awkward to breathe in what with the smoke. He sprayed the computer down, replaced the fire extinguisher, and cleaned up the computer, wondering how long it would be before Nagi noticed what had happened.

PRESENT

"You're leaving the country. Now! I don't want you around when Nagi's figured out what happened!" Crawford yelled.

"Well where am I going to go?" Schuldig asked, but Crawford wasn't listening to him.

Instead, he'd stuck his head out the door, and saw Nagi angrily walking towards his bedroom, no doubt heading for his dead computer. Unfortunately, Nagi's bedroom door was closer to the apartment's exit than Schuldig's.

"Out the window, hurry!" Crawford yelled, pulling it open.

"What? We're kinda high up!" Schuldig argued back.

"If you can make the drop one level there's a fire escape. Trust me, it's safer than going for the front door!" Crawford instructed. He'd already managed to shove Schuldig halfway out the window.

Schuldig was about to argue more when he heard Nagi's scream of rage, and felt the building shake to its very foundation. He easily dropped onto the fire escape and kept moving, Crawford just behind him. They bolted into the parking lot and dove into Schuldig's car.

"Drive to the airport!" Crawford instructed, craning his head out the passenger window to see if Nagi had followed them.

Schuldig happily broke all manner of speed and traffic laws on his way to the airport, ignoring the rearview mirror lest he see his doom reflected back at him. He knew they were being followed.

Crawford stared behind them in a mix of shock, terror and awe at Nagi's powers. Nagi had himself suspended about ten feet above ground trailing behind them, and everything he passed under either got crushed or blew up as he passed, not to mention things about five feet on either side of him. He was on a rampage.

"Faster. Faster, gun it Schuldig!" Crawford screamed.

"I am gunning it!" Schu responded, skidding around a sharp corner. He finally pulled up in front of the airport and dived out of the car with the engine still running. Crawford took off after him, but stopped at a gate to buy a ticket for the next plane that was leaving.

He handed Schu his ticket and Schuldig raced through the airport, and just managed to get onto the plane, which was already in the process of taking off.

Nagi could only scream his rage and frustration as he arrived seconds too late to watch Schuldig's plane leave.

NEXT DAY

Crawford was true to his word and Nagi transferred schools. Unfortunately for him, enough students from his new school knew enough students from his old school that soon enough the rumors were tailing him regardless.

By noon he'd been harassed in a whole rainbow of ways (that was a crappy pun). He'd been teased, hit on, spit on and asked to join the school's GSA three times.

While weaving his way through the crowded hallways he noticed an emo chick tailing him vigilantly. He caught sight of her rainbow bracelet out of the corner of his eye and changed directions for the men's room, when he noticed the guys from the football team that had shoved him in a locker that morning heading towards the restroom as well. Deciding he'd rather deal with the rainbow mafia than the homophobes, he continued towards his locker and was accosted by the recruiter.

"Hey. You're the new kid, right?" The girl asked, though she didn't wait for a reply. "I'm Aizawa Sadako and I'm a member of the GSA-"

"Not interested." Nagi cut her off.

"Well if you were, we're having a meeting today for new members." She continued, assuming that his refusal was for the sake of any homophobic listeners and that he would really show up if she dropped the appropriate information, much the way the other GSA members had. "The meeting's in room 317. It'll be a blast, and we're going to have snacks and drinks."

"I really don't want to go." Nagi insisted.

"Sada-chan! Do you know if Minako-san's going to be at the meeting today?" A very familiar chipper voice asked. Nagi whipped around, and his eyes widened in shock as he saw the blond kid from Weiss skip to a stop in front of his would-be recruiter. Omi's eyes widened in shock as he recognized Nagi.

"That's the new kid everyone's talking about?" Omi asked. Sada mistook his state of shock for a happy state of shock.

"Yeah. He's being a little stubborn about going to the meeting though. Hey Omittchi, maybe you could talk him into it." Sada said suggestively. Then she whispered very loudly, "I think he's checking you out."

Nagi and Omi continued to gape at each other as Sada took off for lunch.

"You didn't really have a sex change, did you?" Omi finally asked.

"No." Nagi hissed.

"So you're…a…"

"I'm a guy!" Nagi looked offended now.

"Okay." Omi said defensively. "You're just kinda pretty so it made me wonder."

'Pretty?' Nagi thought with distaste. "You're not actually going to try to make me join the GSA, are you?"

"Um…if you want to you're welcome there I suppose. But…don't you think it'd be a little awkward?" Omi asked.

"Yes. I do. Especially since I'm a straight male and NOT transgendered!" Nagi exclaimed.

"Well…it's a gay straight alliance." Omi pointed out. "If you want to show up I promise not to chuck poisoned darts at you. And you might want to reconsider. Outside of the GSA members this school's a bit homophobic so those are the only kids who are going to be nice to you. See you around!" Omi chirped.

Nagi glared at him as he left, wondering if Crawford would let him change schools again.