“How was school?”

“I hate my life!”

“Good?” Farfarello asked.

“Sure! Why not? I should be used to the fates shitting on me, I mean, it’s been going on for fourteen fucking years now!” Nagi yelled.

“Fine. Throw a temper tantrum.”

“Are you trying to take Schu’s place while he’s gone or something?” Nagi snapped at Farfarello, who shrugged.

“It’s too quiet around here.” Farf answered. “I’m gonna go poke Crawford and ask when Schuldig’s coming back again.”

“You do that. I’m going to go chew open the veins in my wrist.”

Nagi slumped over to his bedroom door, growled at his still dead computer and flopped onto his bed to glare at the ceiling. The bastards had made him do it. He’d joined the GSA.

He’d had no choice about it, really. He’d stayed after class to discuss a paper with one of his teachers and as he’d left he’d seen the football team coming, they were running laps around the school as part of practice. So he’d ducked into the first classroom he’d seen to get away from them, which happened to be 317. There he’d been met by smiling emo-faces and a very false smile from Omi, and dammit, the whole rainbow mafia assumed they liked each other! Apparently death-glares meant love to those freaks. He’d been partnered with Omi for the GSA’s first big project, the gay prom. He and Omi were the decorating committee.

Which meant at six o’clock he was going to meet Omi for pizza to begin their planning. And explaining that one to his teammates was going to be fun.

‘Ah Schu, even without you here my life still royally sucks. That must make you happy, wherever you are.’ Nagi thought bitterly. Then his bed broke and the mattress landed with a bang on the floor. He got up and kicked the mattress, and a spring shot up the middle making it impossible to lie back down comfortably.

“I will be retiring on the couch tonight.”

MEANWHILE…

“Florida…” Schuldig squinted angrily, wishing he’d grabbed his sunglasses before fleeing for his life out the window. He had managed to grab pants and a t-shirt before leaving, and Crawford’s credit card so he was walking around looking for a mall.

After a few minutes he found a shopping mall, and was almost immediately stopped by a security guard. “No shirt, no shoes, no service.”

“I’m wearing a shirt!” Schuldig argued.

“No shoes, no service.” The guard repeated, looking annoyed.

Schuldig shrugged, then pulled off his pants, ripped them in half and wrapped them around his feet. “There. Shoes. Shirt. Service me my good man!” He walked past the security guard, looking for a sunglasses hut, when he was yanked backwards by his shirt collar.

“You fucking punk!” He made to drag Schuldig towards the mall office, so he gave the guy a telepathically-induced migraine and bolted while the guy grabbed his skull.

After purchasing new pants, sunglasses, socks and shoes, Schuldig exited the mall and looked around for something to do to max out Crawford’s credit card. Where he spotted the hap-happiest consumer place on earth. Disneyworld.

“Ooo…that looks expensive. And magical. And I can rip off a Winnie the Pooh costume for the mission. And destroy a childhood haven. Two birds with one stone! To Disney!” He hummed happily to himself as he set off.

BACK IN JAPAN

“Well we need a theme.”

“Why?”

“Because you have themes at dances.”

“Why?”

“Because it makes them fun.”

“How?”

“It just does!” Omi whined. “I was thinking we could use heaven. I saw a school use that for one of their proms and it was a lot of fun. We could get a fog machine-”

“And some Zippos!” Nagi added enthusiastically. “Then we could light the place and lock the doors!”

“That’s…not what the GSA…was really going for.” Omi said uncomfortably. “If you don’t like heaven we could do…starry night. I saw another school do that one and it turned out good.”

“We could do gay. Because that’s what it is.”

“Could you at least try to be helpful?” Omi snapped.

“I’m trying. But everything you’ve said so far is really dumb and corny!” Nagi snapped back.

“It’s a school dance! It’s supposed to be dumb and corny! Negative Nancy!” Omi said accusingly. Nagi glared at him.

“What? It’s an expression. Oh.”

“Oh what?” Nagi asked.

“Nothing.” Omi said awkwardly.

“No, not nothing, what?” Nagi almost growled.

“Well…you just…you still think you’re straight, don’t you?”

“I am straight!” Nagi yelled. The waitress stared at him as she placed the pizza in front of them. Nagi and Omi sat in an awkward silence until she was out of ear shot.

“Okay then. How many girls have you dated?” Omi asked.
“I’m fourteen! Give me some time to live. Anyway, dating gets a bit hard with the people I live with. You try taking a girl home to meet Farfarello and Schuldig.”

“Point ceded. Still, how many girls have you liked?” Omi asked.

“How many guys have you liked?” Nagi shot back.

“A few. Answer the question, if you’re so sure.”

“Fine.” Nagi snapped. And didn’t say anything. Omi raised an eyebrow. “It’s none of your business anyway!”

“Okay. You’re straight. Sure.” Omi said patronizingly.

“I’m straighter than you!”

“Honey, that’s not saying much.” Omi answered, patting the pink hat he was wearing.

“Fine. Why don’t we use hell as a theme?” Nagi asked.

“Heaven and hell would be fun, actually.” Omi’s voice trailed off. “People could dress up as angels and demons.”

“You seriously think that would work? I thought hell would be a bit of an insult. I mean, aren’t people always telling you guys you’re going to hell?” Nagi asked.

“Sure. That’s why it would be fun. Sada-chan would love it. I’ll bet you anything she dresses as a demon and makes Kazuo-kun dress as an angel and she puts him on a leash.”

Nagi looked slightly disturbed at that thought. “Alright. We have a theme. How are we going to decorate for it?”

“Streamers?” Omi suggested. Nagi scowled. “Just kidding. How’s this? Half the place heaven and half hell. I’ll work on the heaven half, you work on the hell half and then we hardly have to talk. That’s what you want, right?”

“Uh…yeah. Fine.” Awkward pause. “Are you gonna supply flowers?”

Omi considered. “Then I’d have to tell the others I’m in the GSA.”

“Are you telling me you’re attempting to keep your blatant gayness secret from your coworkers?” Nagi asked.

“Yohji’s doing it too.” Omi answered with a blush.

“Yeah, but that’s because he’s in denial.” Nagi shot back.

“You’re one to talk about denial. Anyway, I haven’t really thought about coming out to them yet. Generally we don’t talk about our personal lives. We just stalk each other. Someone’s probably watching me right now through binoculars.”

“What the hell?!” Nagi whipped his head around, and spotted Yohji across the street inconspicuously reading a newspaper. Then he spotted Ken in a booth on the other side of the restaurant from them with binoculars and a newspaper over his head.

“Ken’s not very good at the spying, but Yohji and Aya…I almost never catch them.” Omi said casually.

“Wait. So they’re all here?” Nagi asked.

“No. Aya’s visiting his sister. I followed him to the hospital before coming here.”

“That is not healthy.” Nagi said uncomfortably.

“Right. You’re an assassin. Do you trust your teammates?” Omi asked.

“I don’t spy on them! Though I probably should.” He ground his teeth, thinking of Schuldig and how close he’d been to ripping his spine out of his back.

“Anyway…I’ll start working on my half of the dance tonight. We should meet tomorrow so our sections can mirror the other. Only I don’t want to meet here again because Yohji and Ken are going to think we’re dating.” He grabbed a napkin and started drawing a map. “Meet me at the library but go this way, so you can shake them off.”

“Tell them to leave me alone or I’ll implode their brains!” Nagi exclaimed.

“Yohji knows you’re not allowed to kill us.”

“Oh right. Fine. I’ll just break his legs!”

“He might buy that.”

“What do you mean might? I’ll do it!” Nagi insisted. He paused. “Does Yohji read lips?”

“He should be able to.” Omi answered. Nagi faced the window and repeated what he’d said before. Yohji folded up the newspaper and walked away. Ken slowly lowered himself down the back of the booth seat and then slowly left the restaurant, with the newspaper still on his head and the binoculars still pressed against his face.

“What the hell is he doing?” Nagi asked.

“Being stealthy. He doesn’t think you can see him.” Omi answered.

“Is he humming?” Nagi asked.

“Escape music.”

“And you’re used to this?”

“Mmmhmm. Could be worse I suppose. Don’t your coworkers do things like this?” Omi asked.

“No. They break my computer, start weird rumors about me, burn my scalp off and threaten me with ritualistic slaughter.” Nagi snapped, eye twitching.

“About that scalp thing, you look cute as a blond. You should do your roots though.” Omi commented.

“I’m gonna let it grow out. I want my hair back. I liked it brown.”

“You keep doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Getting angry every time I compliment you. I said you’re cute and you got all pissed off.” Omi noted with amusement. Nagi growled. “You’re blushing now.”

“I’m not!” Nagi insisted. “It’s an angry blush!”

“Aw…you’re embarrassed.”

“This is not embarrassment! This is rage!” Nagi insisted.

“It’s very cute rage then.” Omi gushed.

“You’re sickening.”

“You’re sweet!”

“You make my stomach turn. You make me want to vomit blood.”

“Thank you Nagi-Wagi-chan!”

“Don’t call me that!” Nagi yelled.

“Are your ears red now too?” Omi asked, looking fascinated.

“I hate you.”

“Well, I have to get back now and do my homework. I’ll meet you at the library tomorrow Nagi-wagi-chan! Good night.”

“Die!”

NEXT DAY

“I made a sketch of what I want to do for my half.” Nagi said, pulling a notebook out of his backpack. He handed the book to Omi, and Omi gaped at the very detailed Tim-Burton-Jhonen-Vasquez-Goth hell sketch that he saw.

“Wow. Um…I made a sketch too.” Omi said awkwardly, handing Nagi a crumpled napkin with stick figure angels and loopy clouds on it. “But maybe you should…uh…make a more detailed one from it.”

“Is that a bunny or a cow?” Nagi asked, tilting the napkin.
“You’re holding it upside down.” Omi pouted. “And it’s a cloud. I figured we could make them out of cotton balls. I mean, the GSA doesn’t have much money. Your sketch looks nice, but we’re sorta on a budget.”

“Well then it’s a good thing I stole Crawford’s debit card.” Nagi answered.

“I can’t use it if it’s stolen.” Omi objected. “You borrowed it. Why didn’t you take his credit card?”

“It was already missing. He doesn’t keep much in his account so we can’t go crazy or anything.”

“Is he used to you guys borrowing it?” Omi asked.

“Me and Schuldig mostly. I usually take it to fix my computer, at which point he usually owes me anyway.”

“Crawford breaks your computer?” Omi asked in disbelief.

“No. He lets Schu break my computer. It works like this, Schuldig watches Farfarello, Crawford watches Schuldig, Crawford and I watch ourselves. And I watch my computer.”

“Apparently no one’s doing a very good job.” Omi noted.

“Well I have to leave the house for school.”

“Your computer’s a lap top, isn’t it? Couldn’t you take it with you? I started doing that with mine after the Sims incident.” Omi suggested.

“That would work out well if I wasn’t a favored target for harassment what with the entire school thinking I’m a trannie.” Nagi said with a scowl. “Even the teachers are picking on me now.”

“So…you can’t defend your property with your superior mind power?” Omi asked.

“Yohji said you weren’t very sarcastic.” Nagi said, scowling again.

“Yohji doesn’t talk to me that much. Just to tease me about internet porn. I mostly talk to Ken.”

“I could not imagine having a conversation with him.” Nagi said, wonder in his voice.

“He’s really nice. Just…well, he’s funny, even if it is unintentional most of the time. I was thinking of asking him to go to the prom with me.” Omi murmured, staring into space.

“I thought you weren’t coming out to your team? Wouldn’t that be a bit of a giveaway?” Nagi asked. Omi shrugged.

“I don’t think the others would care. Still…Ken’s morals are on the conservative side so I don’t know if he’d say yes. I’d just like to. What about you, are you gonna ask anyone?” Omi asked, a knowing smile on his face.

“Oh yes. I’ll ask a girl to go to the gay prom with me. That’ll work out well.” Nagi answered sarcastically.

“Is that it?”

“You know, you’re not nearly as dimwitted as I’d thought you were based on what Schuldig ranted about living with you for a week.” Nagi noted, some surprise evident in his voice. Schuldig had made Omi out to be a super genki boy-scout-on-a-sugar-high from hell. Omi shrugged.

“That was me with a head injury. So…shall we go shopping for balloons and things?”

“Alright then.”

MEANWHILE

Schuldig collapsed onto a bench, cradling his aching skull in his hands. Why had he thought this would be a good idea?

Disneyworld was by far the most annoying place he’d ever been. He was sweaty, sun burned and had the worst headache of his life. A thousand little voices were gnawing their way into his head, shrill in their demands for souvenirs, pictures with the characters and just one more ride.

He decided he hated children. He’d never been around so many at once before, and was thankful he’d never had to be. Children had no mental shielding. Whatsoever. All of their thoughts were broadcast. They were like that blond genki assassin when he’d stayed with them, only the park was crawling with them, all at once, and they were all screaming. He probably would have had a headache without his telepathy.

The thoughts were hurting his concentration, and he couldn’t find his way out of the park again. He was beginning to crack. Their thoughts were fighting for his own in dominance, and that hadn’t happened to him since he’d been a rookie with his power.

“No mommy…I don’t want the lemon popsicle, I want that one.” Schuldig whispered, then slapped at his head to try to loose the thought.

He dove off of the park bench and searched for an exit with renewed vigor.

He found something almost as good. A payphone. His vision blurred as he walked towards it and he felt close to passing out. He paused, leaned over with his hands on his knees and waited it out. He then slumped over to the payphone and leaned against it as he dialed the Schwarz house.

MEANWHILE

“Where’s my wallet?” Crawford yelled, voice echoing through the awkwardly silent apartment. It didn’t feel right, but he knew he’d miss the silence when it was replaced with its normal disorder.

“There’s nothing in it anymore anyway.” Farfarello answered him. He was stretched out on the couch reading a comic book.

“I still want it back. Wait, do you know who has my credit card?” Crawford asked.

“Nagi’s got the debit so I think Schuldig has the credit.” Farfarello answered. “Why? Didn’t you See this coming?”

Crawford’s response was drowned out by the phone ringing. He mumbled curses under his breath as he went to answer it. “Yes?”

“Crawford? Oh man you gotta help me! I can’t get out…the voices…they’re driving me insane!” Schuldig sounded hysterical.

“Calm down. Where are you?”

“Buy it for me mommy! I want the Mickey doll. No, not strained peas I hate strained peas! Tammy gets to have a corndog, you like Tammy more than me!”

“Schuldig where are you?” Crawford repeated.

“I wanna go on the big kid ride too! No Tigger, don’t touch me there!”

“Mickey…are you in Disneyworld? Schuldig?”

“Can I talk to Schuldig?” Farfarello asked.

“Not right now. Schuldig, are you there?”

“Ooo…it’s Cinderella! I want a pretty dress like hers!” Schuldig’s voice was about an octave higher than normal and Crawford yanked the receiver away from his ear. He heard Schuldig singing ‘A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes’, and he heard it get softer and softer as Schu apparently abandoned the pay phone.

“Come on Farfarello. We’re going to Disneyworld.” Crawford grimaced, hanging up the phone.

“How are you planning on paying for the tickets?” Farfarello asked.

“Dammit! We’re getting Nagi!“ Crawford sputtered.

ELSEWHERE

“So what did you think about Keiichi? He’s cute. You could go with him.” Omi suggested.

“I’m not going to the prom with a guy.” Nagi repeated. “Besides, they’re all trying to set us up.”

“Yeah, but Keiichi’s into you. He wouldn’t care.” Omi said with a shrug. “Unless you wanted to go with me.”

“Not even a little bit.” Nagi replied. “Ooo…we should buy some of these cardboard stand-ups. We could put horns or halos on them accordingly.”

Omi’s eyes lit up. “There’s a George W. Bush one. We gotta give it horns.”

“Totally.” Nagi agreed.

“Nagi!”

“Shit.” Nagi whipped around, and immediately spotted Crawford and Farfarello walking towards him. “I didn’t take your card! It was Schuldig!”

“I know you have it, and I don’t care. We need to get to Disneyworld.” Crawford answered.

“Disneyworld?” Nagi asked, very confused.

“That’s where Schuldig is. Oh, if we bring him back now, you’re not going to try to kill him again, are you?” Crawford asked.

Nagi rolled his eyes. “No I got that out of my system. We need him for our future plans and all that.” He admitted reluctantly. “But you will let me know the minute he’s no longer useful, right?”

“I promise. Now give me my debit card and we can pretend this shopping spree never took place.”

“But I didn’t get my computer fixed yet!” Nagi complained.

“Take that up with Esset as a business expense.” Crawford snapped at him.

“Bye Nagi-kun! Have fun at Disneyworld!” Omi chirped.

“Bye Omi.”

SKIPPY SKIPPY

“Are you sure he was at Disneyworld?” Nagi asked, looking around the crowd for any sign of Schuldig. He normally wasn’t very good at hiding himself.

“Not positive. But it sounded like he was at Disneyworld.” Crawford admitted.

“It’s too happy here. I don’t like it.” Farfarello growled, scaring a young family into walking much quicker past the three Schwarz.

“Wait…something came to me.” Crawford muttered, walking purposefully towards one of the rides.

“Did you See where he is?” Nagi asked hopefully. The sooner he got out of this place the better. The crowds were making him nervous.

“Yeah. You’re going to be very, very happy.” Crawford muttered.

He stopped in front of the ‘It’s a Small World’ ride. Nagi and Farfarello grimaced.

“Not there. Don’t make me go in there.” Farfarello’s eye was wide.

“We shouldn’t have to.” Crawford answered.

They walked over to the side of the ride nearest the exit where one of the carts was emerging, and there sat Schuldig, alone, with his eyes wide and glazed, and completely unblinking. He was singing the ‘It’s a Small World’ song under his breath, and definitely not in his right state of mind.

“Schuldig!” Crawford called to him, but he didn’t answer, didn’t even turn to look at them.

The cart made to go back into the ride. Farfarello jumped the fence and grabbed Schuldig, picking him up and carrying him over to Nagi and Crawford. Nagi had the widest, most genuine smile on his face Crawford and Farfarello could ever remember seeing. In fact, the boy never really smiled genuine smiles at all.

“It’s a small world after all…it’s a small world after all…it’s a small world after all…it’s a small…small…world…” Schuldig sang brokenly.

Nagi broke off into an evil cackle.