Chapter Twelve: The Oh So Very End Not Really

'This isn't going to end well. My life is hell.' Nagi thought bitterly.

They were seated on the carpet in the living room of the Schwarz apartment making last minute plans for the prom the next night. Omi had wanted help working on his outfit as well, having noticed enough of Nagi's underhanded remarks and gathered from the underhanded remarks of all that some of his outfit choices were a bit…extreme. And he wanted to look damn good heading off to the prom out of bitterness towards Ken. Who wasn't going to be there, but dammit, he would make quite the exit from the Weiss house! And possibly pick up a date on the rebound and try to bring out feelings of jealousy in Ken…plot-plot-plot…

At any rate, Nagi had tried to dissuade Omi from coming home with him, had tried to go instead to his house, but Omi just wasn't all that intimidated by Schwarz anymore, what with living there for a week and hearing Nagi bitch about his day to day life. So Nagi was very tense, waiting for his roommates to do something to embarrass him in front of the guy he liked. If only he hadn't had that sobbing breakdown in front of Schuldig.

"So…silver pipe cleaner halos are tacky, right?" Omi asked.

"Yeah."

"What if they glow from rice lights?" Omi held up a package of tiny white lights he'd bought earlier. Nagi smacked a hand to his face.

"You'd look like a blinking neon sign outside a liquor store or something!"

"That's a bad thing, right?" Omi clarified.

"Well…you're learning. Okay, if you're going to do a halo then…I don't think there's any way for it not to look tacky." Nagi muttered.

"If you got pipe cleaners that matched your hair and braided it through with white feathers it would look like a halo and not tacky." Farfarello called out helpfully from the kitchen.

Nagi turned his most confused look towards the kitchen. "Was that just Farfarello with hair advice? About looking like an angel?!"

"Well to hate the bible he must know a lot about it." Omi noted.

"I went through five years of Sunday School before I snapped, thank you very much! We did angels at every nativity play!" Farfarello called out. "I was always an angel because of my pigment condition."

"Right. So we've got your hair down." Nagi interrupted.

"Can I use glitter?" Omi asked eagerly.

"Sparingly. In fact, I think, given how happy about that you look, not at all." Nagi decided.

"But angels should glitter…" Omi looked disappointed.

"But glitter is tacky when applied wrong…or too much. You'd use too much. Anyway, I think you should stay away from makeup-"

"It's the gay prom Nagi."

"Fine. But don't apply it yourself."

"You have no faith in me, do you?" Omi sniffed.

"Well…you told me to be honest. Painfully so if necessary."

"I just wanna look hot dammit, it shouldn't be so hard!"

<Nagi, rule one of dating. You really need to start lying to him.>

<What?> Nagi asked, surprised Schuldig was paying attention to their conversation. Then it occurred to him that he was probably going to start feeding him faulty advice to muck things up.

<No! I'm trying to help you you little- …shut up Farf, I'm being productive! …No not counterproductive! …Yes I think our counters are a hideous shade of green-what do you mean my coat matches?! I'm not talking about that now, leave me alone! Anyway, Nagi, lying is the cornerstone of any lasting relationship.>

<Right. Stay out of my head please. It's a small world after all…it's a small world->

<That doesn't work anymore! I told you!>

<It's a small, small, world…>

<Alright I'm leaving!>

A line popped into Nagi's head, but he didn't really think it would work. 'Ah what the hell…'

"I don't think you need to worry so much about looking hot. I mean, you're already…pretty…" He couldn't finish it, but Omi got the gist of it and hugged him.

"Thank you Nagi-Wagi-Chan! That's very sweet! I feel better." He let go of Nagi and his lower lip started trembling. "But I wish Ken-kun thought I was hot!"

"Well…he's dumb." Nagi snapped.

"I know! And he still doesn't like me!" Omi wailed. "I was really l-looking forward to g-going with a date, and not stag for once! I was gonna ha-have a date!"

"Well I mean we could go…together. I mean, if you wanted." Nagi offered, hoping he didn't sound too desperate.

<You're practically begging kid.>

<Shut up.>

"That's really nice Nagi. I'd love to go with you. It's just…I can't help still being a little disappointed. I've never gone to a dance as a couple before, this was gonna be my first time. And now I have to go as friends…"

<Ouch.> Schuldig sympathized.

<Burn.> Farfarello agreed.

<Get out of my head! Stop listening in! You're not helping!>

<Oh, do you want me to talk to Omi instead?>

<Never mind. You can stay.>

"What are you going to wear to the dance?" Omi asked.

"Oh…um, I'm gonna work on it later tonight." Nagi answered quickly. "We're working on you right now. So…um…did we completely scrap the wings idea?"

"Yeah. Because I would have to make them myself."

"Right. And they'd come out like crap."

"That was mean." Omi pouted. Very cutely.

"Sorry."

"You're acting funny tonight. You've never apologized for being mean before." Omi noted.

"Funny? I'm not acting funny." Nagi denied, very quickly, and blushing a bit. "Funny how?"

<There you see him…sitting there across the way…>

Nagi jumped as he heard Schuldig's voice in his head, doing a horrible impersonation of a Jamaican accent. Which really didn't work with his nasal German.

<He don't got a lot to say but there's something about him…>

<What the fuck are you doing Schu?> Nagi growled.

"Nagi, are you okay?" Omi asked, looking concerned. Nagi had jumped just then, and looked almost frightened.

"I'm fine." Nagi answered, in a high pitched voice. His eyes kept darting towards the kitchen.

<And you don't know why but you're dying to try you want to kiss the…chibi…>

Nagi was now blushing furiously and picturing several slow and painful deaths for Schuldig.

"Nagi, you really don't look good. Your face is all red. Do you have a fever?" Omi asked. He touched a hand to Nagi's forehead, and Nagi pulled back quickly.

"No, I'm good. Really. Fine. Perfectly."

<Hey Farf->

<Yeah?>

<Sing wit me now.>

<I already am.>

<Alright then.>

"Okay. Um…well I wanted to thank you…you know, for, uh, dealing with me while I'm all weird over the break up. I know I haven't really been much fun to be around-"

"No, it's okay. I don't mind." Nagi said quickly. "That's what friends are for." 'Oh God I sound like a hallmark card. I wonder if there are hallmark cards for -I'm sorry for your loss but I really want in your pants-'

So of course, on cue, Farfarello and Schuldig began singing again.

<Boil?>

<That doesn't even rhyme! Come on, what sounds like girl and means Omi?>

<Um…>

<Just stop it!> Nagi pleaded. "You're making me look insane!"

"Nagi?" Omi looked a little hurt.

"Not you! Um…I didn't mean to say that out loud."

"Oh right. I keep forgetting about the evil telepath. How long has he been harassing you? Since I got here?" Omi asked.

"Uh…pretty much."

"What's he been saying?"

"Torching my laptop. And killing babies." Nagi lied quickly.

In the kitchen, Schuldig scowled. "Killing babies indeed. You know, I was trying to help the kid. Come on Farf, let's mortify him."

"I thought you wanted him to hook up with Omi." Farfarello objected weakly.

"Yeah. But now I want to embarrass him. Come on."

Schuldig and Farfarello got up and walked over to the doorway where Nagi and Omi would definitely be able to hear them, even without telepathic projection.

"Pick it up from the last chorus Farf."

"Right."

"Sha la la la la la, look like the boy too shy, ain't gonna kiss the chibi. Sha la la la la la ain't that sad, ain't it a shame, too bad, he gonna miss the chibi-"

"What are they singing?" Omi scrunched his face up in concentration, while Nagi went into blind panic mode. "Is that English? My English sucks."

Nagi let out a huge sigh of relief. Then it occurred to him that Omi might still be able to pick up the tune and figure it out. Maybe he'd never seen the Little Mermaid before. Oh with their age bracket like there was a chance in hell of that.

"Now's your moment, floating in a blue lagoon, boy you better do it soon, no time will be better. (Ya Ya Ya Ya) He don't say a word and he won't say a word until you kiss the chibi-"

"I'm gonna kill you both!" Nagi finally screamed, deciding to ditch subtlety, and finally jumping to his feet and giving chase to them, while Omi was seized with an uncontrollable fit of laughter. Schu and Farf continued to sing, even while dodging the projectiles Nagi was flinging at them.

"Sha la la la la la, don't be scared, you got the mood prepared (Whuan whuan whuan whuan whuan 1), go on and kiss the chibi. (Whoa whoa) Sha la la la la la, don't stop now, don't try to hide it how, you want to kiss the chibi. (Whoa whoa)"

Crawford poked his head out of his room at the sound of glass breaking against the wall. "What the hell is going on out here?" No one answered him, instead Nagi blocked off the hallway with the fridge as butcher knives advanced on Schuldig and Farfarello. "Nagi you're still not allowed to kill them yet! I can't believe we're even at them, it was just Schuldig a few days ago."

"But Crawford-"

On cue, Schuldig and Farfarello began singing again.

"Sha la la la la la, float along and listen to the song, the song say kiss the chibi. (whoa whoa)."

Crawford looked vaguely disturbed. Then he caught sight of Omi in the living room, who gave him a little wave. "Never mind. They deserve what they get." With that he retreated back into his room.

While Nagi was distracted with Crawford, Schu and Farf had jumped the fridge and the knives were now stuck in the fridge door. They had a shield as they finished out the song. And a need to go out and buy a new refrigerator.

"Sha la la la la, the music play, do what the music say, you got to kiss the chibi. You've got to kiss the chibi. You wanna kiss the chibi. You've gotta kiss the chibi. Go on and kiss the chibi."

"You guys should check how much ice is in the freezer because the black market's gaining some new organs tonight!" Nagi screamed. Snickering, they retreated into Schuldig's room.

<Seriously though Nagi, take our advice. Make a move.>

<Be our guest, be our guest, put our service to the test.>

<That's really enough Farf.>

<But it's addictive! Things need to rhyme. There should be more occasions for people to randomly burst into song.>

Nagi walked back into the living room, face bright red, more embarrassed then he'd been since…well since Schuldig had called him out saying he'd had a sex change surgery. God, that was only a week ago.

"You know, Farfarello has a surprisingly nice singing voice." Omi commented. "I just wish I knew what they were singing."

"Y-yeah, interesting that. So, um…I think you should probably go now because…it's far too unstable here." Nagi decided. "Someone might die. Most likely one of them. Tonight. From an imploded skull."

"It does sound unstable here. Want to go out and get something to eat?" Omi asked.

"Sure."

(1 ie Interspersed with Farf making the Skuttle noises, and yes, we assume you know what we're talking about)

SKIPPY SKIPPY

"So Farfarello…why exactly do you know the words to Kiss the Girl?" Crawford asked curiously. Farf looked defensive. "I mean, I can understand where Schuldig might have picked them up at-"

"Do not mention that place!" Schuldig interrupted. "It's from the Dark Time."

"Mickey Mouse is a false idol." Farfarello muttered.

"Come again?" Crawford looked amused.

"The devotion and worship of Mickey Mouse distracts from worship of God, thus the mouse is a false idol. It breaks one of the ten commandments. Therefore, indulging in Disney products hurts God by detracting from his worship." Farfarello explained.

"You know, that actually makes sense…" Crawford said.

"Yeah. Too bad it's bullshit." Schuldig said. "The Little Mermaid was the first movie Farf saw in theatres, and it was his favorite flick when he was six. He's got the whole thing memorized."

"I do not." Farfarello denied.

"Oh yeah? Hey Farf…what would her father say?"

"I'll tell you what her father'd say. He'd say he's gonna kill himself a crab, that's what her father'd say!" Farfarello exclaimed, before slapping a hand over his mouth. "You promised you wouldn't tell anyone Schuldig!"

"Yeah well…it couldn't be helped." Schuldig answered, snorting.

LATER

"How the mighty have fallen."

"Shut up."

"Aren't you here to ask a favor?"

"…"

"After hurling the contents of the kitchen at me with your mind, not to mention all of our knives?"

"Oh like you would have minded if I'd gotten you a little cut up." Nagi snapped.

"I mind that all of our kitchen knives are stuck in the walls!" Crawford called from the other room.

"So…you want to borrow clothes?" Farfarello asked.

"Yes. I want to borrow clothes." Nagi admitted. Farfarello waved Nagi into his room, where a few outfit choices were already laid out on his bed. Nagi quirked an eyebrow.

"I figured you'd seek out my help in demon clothing." Farfarello explained.

"Right. You know, it's not winter. I don't think I need that many layers. Or long sleeves." Nagi objected.

"Demons…cover up. They…don't show much skin." Farf muttered, fairly unconvincingly.

"Right."

"They don't show off fourteen year old jail bait booty!" Farfarello objected.

"And then they don't seduce sixteen year old jail bait angels on the rebound!" Nagi shot back.

"Alright. But you're not wearing any of the leather pants. That's just wrong."

"I'm not a big fan of leather anyway."

"What about leather chokers?"

Nagi shrugged. "I can take it or leave it. Do you have any shoes? All I have are my uniform ones."

"Okay…what were you looking for in shoes?" Farf asked.

"Uh…black boots, I guess."

"Buckles or no buckles?"

"Uh-"

"Snaps, or no snaps? Zippers? Laces that work or are just for show? Pleather, leather, man made materials, with pockets for concealed weapons? I suggest the concealed weapon pocket, by the way. Steel toed? Heels? Platforms? Ooo…I just got these online from Canada! When you click your heels together knives shoot out of the toes!"

"That's…alright. I don't want to skewer my dance partner."

"Right, that was stupid of me. Why don't you try these? Go up right below the knee, although that might be detrimental to footsie. Not that you should be engaging in footsie anyway! Right, the knee boots will work."

"Are they comfortable?" Nagi asked lamely.

Farf laughed, and it was scarier. "Any pretty footwear is as a rule uncomfortable. But I load all mine up with Doctor Scholls."

"Pretty?" Nagi repeated.

"Nevermind, the shoes aren't a big deal. They just need to match whatever else you're wearing, and all of my clothes pretty much go together anyway. Black goes with black. All I usually need to worry about it whether I'm putting pants or a shirt over my head. So, to pants. I see you as a baggy and covered up kinda kid."

"No!" Nagi objected. "You're not pruding me up!"

Farfarello scowled. "I promised Crawford I wouldn't send you out looking like a hussie."

"Well can I look hot and tasteful at the same time?" Nagi asked.

"With my closet…" Farfarello inspected his clothes again, noting the large amount of fetish gear he'd accumulated over the years. "This is going to be a challenge. But I like challenges…let's clean out some bloodstains! I'll get the toothbrushes, you get the club soda!"

SOMETIME LATER

"Are we letting him go out like that?" Crawford asked.

"He doesn't look like a hussie." Farfarello said defensively.

"I know how to handle this." Schuldig interrupted. "Nagi. You have to wear a trench coat out."

"But it's springtime! What is your obsession with making it winter?" Nagi demanded.

"You are wearing this coat so you will not be mugg-ed or rape-ed." Schuldig argued.

"Well I don't want to wear your hideous green coat. And do you really think anyone could mug or rape me?"

"Yes." All three of them said quickly.

"Hey, if someone came up behind you and smashed you over the back of the head, you'd be gone!" Schuldig exclaimed.

"Remember the rules we talked about. If you get a drink and walk away from it, throw it out. You don't know what someone could put in it." Crawford instructed.

"It's in a church basement! I don't think I have to worry about roofies!" Nagi whined.

"So who's chaperoning this event?" Crawford asked.

"What do you mean chaperoning?" Nagi replied.

"So there's no adult supervision?" Farfarello asked.

"Uh…I dunno. I was only on the decorating committee."

"I think we should accompany him to the church." Schuldig suggested.

"I don't think that's such a good idea." Farfarello objected.

"No, no, no! Leave me alone! I'm leaving now!" There was an awkward pause. "Can someone give me a ride to Omi's?"

"I'll do it." Schuldig volunteered.

"Crawford, can you give me a ride to Omi's?" Nagi clarified.

"Schu will do it." Crawford answered.

"Great." Nagi muttered lamely, while Schuldig pushed him out the door and grabbed a black trench coat from Farfarello.

"Our little chibi's growing up." Farf sniffed.

MEANWHILE

'Okay, I'm not supposed to do my own makeup.' Omi thought to himself. He'd successfully dressed himself, and he didn't look half bad. But he still needed to do hair and makeup. And he needed to seek out aid. 'Right, not Ken…Yohji?'

And at that moment Yohji walked through the room wearing an outfit to put all his others to shame (we'll let you select your own personal favorite abysmal Yohji outfit…audience participation, yeah, they'll buy that. You weren't supposed to type that! Shit. -A/N)

'Right. Um…Momoe? No, shaky hands. That leaves…Aya?'

Very reluctantly, Omi made his way over to Aya's room. Aya was taking a nap, and Omi was left with the unpleasant task of waking him up. He had a blanket draped over him, and because of last Christmas, Omi knew that Aya slept naked. ('Can we open presents yet? Ah!' 'Omi get out of here!') He very gently shook Aya's shoulder.

"Huh? Takatori…(snort) urn…shi-ne?" Aya muttered groggily. "Omi?"

"First, are you wearing clothes?"

"Yes. It's only six fifteen. I'm not in for the night."

"Good. Can you help me get ready for the dance?" Omi asked.

"You're going to a dance?"

"Uh…yeah. And I need help with hair and makeup."

"Why are you asking me?"

"Go through my other options for a minute."

Aya thought. "What about Momoe?"

"Shaky hands." Omi explained.

"Manx?"

"Manx."

"Good point. Alright. What do you want me to do?" Aya asked.

"Hair and makeup." Omi answered.

"Makeup?" Pause. "Gay prom?"

"Yep."

"What's the theme?"

"Heaven and Hell. I'm going as an angel."

"Well that's predictable enough. Alright, I've got some white glitter eye shadow-"

"I've been warned about using glitter." Omi interrupted, vaguely curious about why Aya had his own makeup supplies.

Aya shot him one of his mild glares. "I know what I'm doing. I'm just going to put a little of it on your cheeks and on the edge of your eyes. Hmm…vanilla lip gloss, I think. Did you already have ideas for your hair?"

"Yeah." Omi clumsily explained the halo idea Farfarello had suggested.

"Do you have feathers?" Aya asked.

"I have a feather pillow."

"That won't really work. Let's raid the flower shop."

LATER

Schuldig pulled up in front of the Koneko. Nagi got out of the car and waited for Schuldig to drive away. And waited.

"You can leave now." He hissed.

"I could. Or I could stay here and watch. Hey, did you get Omi one of those boutonnière things? Or would you get a flamer like that a corsage?"

"I didn't get him any flowers. Besides, we're going as 'friends'." Nagi spat.

"Yeah, well you can be going as dates by the end of the night if you play your cards right." Schuldig noted.

"If you sing any more Disney songs in my head I'll castrate you."

<Nagi…(ba bum bum bum) you'll be a woman soon…>

Nagi turned his back to Schuldig and walked up to the door. He knocked on the door and waited for Omi, mildly curious to see if Omi was going to be as fussed over as he had been.

Ken opened the door, looked past Nagi and saw Schuldig sitting in his car, who waved merrily. Ken paled and slammed the door in Nagi's face. Nagi turned a suspicious glare back to Schuldig, while the door was opened again, this time by Yohji.

"Come on in. Omi's not ready yet."

"Okay."

Nagi stood awkwardly in the flower shop part of the building, Yohji regarding him with a mild amount of suspicion, while Ken stared out the windows in a paranoid fashion.

"So…how are you two getting to the dance?" Yohji asked.

"Omi's scooter thing." Nagi answered.

"What time does it end?"

"Uh…eleven I think."

"And what time will you be in?" Yohji asked.

"Tonight? I dunno. I don't think we're going anywhere after." Nagi answered.

"That's right. You're not. You're both going home after the dance." Ken jumped in, then continued searching the room for some sort of intruder. "Were those daffodils always there?"

"Yes." Yohji responded. "What's with you tonight? You've been on edge."

"I like my balls." Ken whimpered.

"That was…(cough) not high on my list of things I needed…to know about…Ken." Yohji said awkwardly.

Aya walked out then, a few bobby pins in his mouth, a can of hairspray in one hand and a bottle of mousse in the other. He had a few pipe cleaners sticking out of one of his pockets. He spit the bobby pins into his hand and attempted to take up a menacing looking post against the wall, glaring at Nagi.

And Omi walked out, with a lovely little halo made of braided hair, non-visible placed pipe cleaners and baby's breath.

"Ken-kun, are you crying?" Omi asked with a frown.

"You look…nice." Ken sniffled, and then let out another sob. "I don't like you! Stay away from me!" He ran from the room.

Nagi shot a look out the window at the red car parked across the street and began to wonder about Hidaka's actions…

"Wow Nagi-wagi-chan, you look really good!" Omi chirped happily. Nagi tried to fight off a blush, a small smile on his face.

"Thanks. So do you."

"Aw…you two are frickin' cute. Be in before midnight or we'll bury you in the backyard. Have fun Omi." Yohji said. He followed them to the door to see them off, when he caught sight of the red car and the occupant. 'What is Schuldig doing tailing them…? I thought his goal in life was to make Nagi miserable…OMI!!'

"Aya…I'm heading out for a bit."

"I don't care."

"Okay, see you later!"

"Try not to die."

"Wow. That's one of the sweetest things you've ever said to me!"

"Get off of me slut!"

"I love you too!"

"Shi-ne!"

SKIPPY SKIPPY

"This music sucks."

"It's a prom Nagi, the music has to suck."

"Well…I'm still gonna complain." Nagi pouted.

"Right. You've been complaining…all night. Can we dance?" Omi asked…again.

"We've only been here for a half hour." Nagi noted. "What's your rush?"

Nagi had overlooked one detail when he'd decided to go to the dance with Omi. The fact that he didn't know how to dance and very likely detested the entire situation. They were seated in folding chairs on the side of the dance floor. Omi was kicking his feet anxiously.

"Come on…I wanna dance…it's fun."

"Go ahead."

"I want to dance with you!"

"Uh…I don't like this song." Nagi said.

"You don't like any of the songs!" Omi whined.

"Well if they play a song that I like I'll dance with you."

"Okay, I'll go request a song. What songs do you like?" Omi asked.

"I listen to classical mostly. Do you think they'd have Motzart's Requiem?" Nagi asked brightly. Omi frowned.

"Probably not. But I'll go ask."

Nagi watched Omi walk across the room, getting watched lewdly by several of the other kids at the dance, which made Nagi growl possessively. Omi had a short conversation with the DJ, which ended with the DJ doubled over with laughter, Omi frowning and stalking away angrily. Before he made it back over to Nagi he was stopped by some kid Nagi had never seen before wearing tacky red sequined horns.

The kid talked with Omi for a few minutes and then Omi walked back over to Nagi. "Would it be okay with you if I danced with some of the other kids? I mean, we're here as friends, right?"

Nagi grimaced. "Yeah. Have fun."

"Thank you! Come and get me if you want to dance though."

And with that Omi found red sequined horn kid and they began dancing. Nagi slumped over in his chair and stared at his feet.

OUTSIDE

"What's going on now?"

"I can't really tell. Get me up a little higher."

"I thought this was supposed to be in a frickin' basement."

"Yeah well they lied."

Schuldig and Yohji had bumped into each other in the parking lot and were now hovering between the cement steps and the dumpster, Schuldig on Yohji's back trying to spy through a grimy window. The dance was on the first floor, where the church held day care and the occasional social event. They'd double booked and there was an AA meeting in the actual basement.

"Can you see anything now?" Yohji asked.

"Yeah. Nagi's alone. His head's down…fuck. He'd better not be crying."

'Wow…that's kinda sweet that he cares like that.' Yohji thought.

"What a wuss! I think he is crying."

'Scratch that.'

"Where's Omi?" Yohji asked.

"He's in the middle of the dance floor being humped by some kid in sequined horns."

"What?!" Yohji yelped.

"What's that dancing thing that's really dry sex?" Schuldig asked.

"Grinding?"

"Yeah, they're grinding. Well…Omi said they were going as friends."

"But he doesn't actually want to be going as friends!"

"What?"

"He was bitching about it to me the other night. He liked Ken and Nagi, and since Ken dumped him he was determined to make things work with Nagi. He was worried about Nagi thinking he was using him as a rebound guy. And about mucking things up since Ken dumped him out of the blue. About that…"

"What about that? Are you insinuating something?" Schuldig asked.

"No, nothing." Pause. "Yes. What did you do to Ken?"

"We did nothing to Ken."

"What did you threaten to do to Ken?"

"You know, you're really much smarter than you look."

"Is that a compliment?"

"You tell me cowboy." Schuldig replied.

"I'm dropping you now, you're heavy."

"Fuck you, I'm not heavy."

"Yeah. Well I'd cut back on the Fruity Pebbles." Yohji replied.

"How do you know about the Fruity Pebbles?!" Schuldig demanded.

"Nagi told me. He did live with us for about a week." Yohji answered. "So…what are we going to do about them?"

"Why is it our responsibility? I've been bending over backwards for these kids, they're going to have to do something themselves. I'm sick of this."

"Don't be such a fucking baby."

"Don't call me a baby!"

And then the answer came as the DJ started a long set and went out back for a cigarette break. He happened to exit out the cement steps Yohji and Schuldig were next to. Wicked grins crossed their faces.

Schuldig tapped the DJ on his back. He spun around and was met with the sight of a fist.

SKIPPY SKIPPY

Schuldig dug through the DJ's CDs, looking anxiously for something that didn't suck. "J-pop, J-pop, J-pop…crap…crap… God damn your culture sucks at music."

"Oh and yours is better? You're German, right?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Back on track. We only have three minutes before this song ends and we have dead air. Can you find anything that'll get Nagi out on the floor?" Yohji asked.

"I dunno what the kid likes!"

"Wait. Put on a slow song. Maybe Omi will ask him to dance. And he might say yes because they're easier to dance to. Does Nagi know how to dance?"

"Hell no." Schuldig snapped, recalling an undercover mission involving a child's talent show and a lot of work with his telepathic manipulation.

"Well that's it then. Put on a slow song."

"There are no slow songs! It's all really happy J-pop."

"Move out of the way." Yohji practically knocked Schuldig over skimming through the CDs. "Here we go. Track three."

Schuldig popped the mystery disc into the CD player just in time.

Savage Garden's Truly Madly Deeply started playing, and the impact of the first slow song of the night was immediate. Where there had been clumps of kids dancing together, couples formed, and the chairs set up on the sides of the room started to fill with third wheels and kids who were going 'as friends'. Omi stood awkwardly on the edge of the dance floor, wondering if it was worth it to ask Nagi to dance.

Nagi didn't even notice the change in music tempo, lost in a fit of brooding teen angst and self pity.

"This had better work. Or they're both too dumb to deserve to be happy." Schuldig growled.

Omi made a hesitant move in Nagi's direction, when he was accosted again by the kid with the red sequined horns.

"Dammit!" Schuldig hissed. "Yohji?" He looked around the room, until he spotted Yohji lurking near Omi and horn-kid.

'Let's hope Omi can't recognize me in the dim light, or I am so full of poisoned darts tomorrow morning.' He tapped horn kid on the shoulder and held up a prop badge.

He pulled the kid towards the exit, Schuldig looking on in admiration.

<What are you telling him?>

<That I know about the spiked punch in the roomful of minors.>

<It was him?>

<Who cares?>

<I like the way you think Kudoh.>

Omi finally approached Nagi.

"Slow songs are easy to dance to. And this one doesn't suck…not really anyway." Omi mumbled nervously.

Nagi looked up. "I'll step on your feet."

"I don't mind. I've got comfy shoes. Who cares about feet anyway?"

It occurred to Nagi then that Omi looked about as lonely, desperate and nervous as he felt. Which made him feel a little better.

"Please? Nagi, will you please dance with me?" Omi asked.

"Alright."

Omi took Nagi's hand and led him out onto the dance floor, receiving winks from a few members of the rainbow mafia, not that he was really noticing them at that point.

Omi figured he should lead since Nagi didn't seem to know much about dancing, and very hesitantly placed his hand on Nagi's hip, looking at him questioningly. Nagi bit his lip, but nodded as he placed his hand on Omi's shoulder.

At first Nagi was entirely focused on not breaking Omi's toes, keeping his eyes mostly on their feet. Omi moved them a little closer. "Relax."

Nagi shivered, he could feel Omi's breath against his neck. He finally looked at Omi, saw him smiling, and he smiled back, feeling more comfortable.

Meanwhile, Yohji rejoined Schuldig by the DJ table.

"What are we putting in next?" Schuldig asked.

"What? You didn't line anything else up? This song's almost over."

"Er…I didn't know it was my job. You're the music guy."

"What's on this disc?" Yohji snapped, but he didn't really expect Schuldig to know. He scanned the case. Ah. It was a burn CD of Savage Garden songs. "Well just let it keep playing until we find something else. We can let it go through You Can Still Be Free and Affirmation. But we need a new CD after that. Gunning Down Romance might kill the mood. Damn, we shouldn't have knocked out that DJ."

"I can go wake him up." Schuldig offered.

"Alright. Can you implant any mental suggestions about playing more slow songs?" Yohji asked.

"I could do that. Or I could hold a gun to his temple and tell him to play more slow songs." Schuldig replied.

"Is one more effective than the other?" Yohji inquired.

"No, but one's a helluva lot more fun." Schuldig answered with a smirk, heading towards the dumpster where they'd stuffed the DJ.

<Hey Schuldig!>

<What?>

<What are you doing after this?> Yohji asked.

<I dunno. Why?>

<Wanna go get a celebratory 'we hooked up the chibis' drink somewhere?>

<Sure. Just let me set the DJ back up and we can leave now, I think they can handle the rest of their date on their own.>

SKIPPY SKIPPY

The rest of the dance went rather smoothly. Nagi even attempted dancing to some of the fast songs, although he refused to try anything close to grinding. The nervous feeling didn't return again until Omi drove Nagi back to his apartment and walked him to the door. They stood awkwardly for a moment, Nagi once again staring at his feet.

"Hey Nagi…aren't you going to kiss the chibi?" Omi asked.

Nagi's eyes widened. At that suddenly he remembered that Omi was an honors student and would of course have gotten perfect grades in English. And he felt very dumb.

"Uh…erm…"

Omi smiled gently, then rested his hands on Nagi's shoulders and leaned forwards for a gentle, chaste kiss. When he pulled away Nagi looked dumbstruck, but in a happy way for once.

"Good night Nagi."

"Night." Nagi repeated dazedly, watching Omi leave. As soon as Omi was out of sight, Nagi did a cartwheel and then skipped happily towards the elevator, all the while thanking whatever deity was listening that his first kiss was not with Tot.

The End

Epilogue

Yohji felt a colossal hangover coming on, and kept his eyes firmly shut, clinging desperately to sleep. He could tell without the power of sight that he was in a hotel room somewhere. He was a little fuzzy on the exact events of the night before, but he'd been in this situation enough to figure he'd been too loaded to get back to his room, and he'd probably fucked someone. Either way, the bed he was laying on didn't feel like his.

He decided he must have fucked someone the night before, because he was naked and he didn't normally sleep naked. He could tell there was a warm body close to him, but they weren't touching. That's funny. He didn't remember picking up any girls last night. He remembered following Omi and Nagi to the gay prom and hooking them up. And he remembered bumping into Schuldig and going out after for a celebratory drink.

Hmm. He didn't remember talking to anyone else but Schuldig. Unless he was really loaded when he'd sought out company, but once again, that wasn't the norm.

He had a very bad feeling in the pit of his stomach that was completely unrelated to the amount of alcohol he'd consumed.

He cracked an eyelid and groaned, very unhappily, as his vision was filled with gravity defying orange clown hair.