Schuldig was still in bed, wearing nothing but a sheet, a scowl on his face as he listened to Yohji rant. "Well I didn't fuck myself up the ass last night. Take some responsibility."

"I'm not gay." Yohji whimpered.

"Well I'm not a girl. So you're not entirely straight either." Schuldig snapped. "This is starting to get insulting."

"Well excuse me for being a little freaked out! This is the first time I've woken up next to a guy before! Where are you going?!" Yohji demanded. As he was speaking, Schuldig was dressing himself and making his way towards the door.

"To a clinic. I'm gonna get a blood test to make sure I don't have gonorrhea or herpes or anything." Schuldig answered.

"Ouch. You're a real bastard, you know that?"

"I've been told. See you around."

SKIPPY SKIPPY

"You're walking kinda funny there Schuldig." Nagi greeted.

"Fuck off."

Pause.

"How was your date?" Schuldig asked.

Nagi had his usual gloomy-broody look on his face. "Why do you care?" Schuldig opened his mouth to reply, but before he managed, Nagi went into stupid happy mode, and the sudden shift in the teen's mood startled Schuldig into sitting down (he was a little woozy from all the blood he'd lost testing himself for every STD known to man).

"It was great! We danced and I didn't make a total fool of myself and we kissed and it was nice and we're going out again tomorrow night!" Nagi explained happily, a wide grin on his face.

Crawford walked through the room, grabbed a newspaper without looking at either of them and then left again. A moment later he walked back in and glared at Schuldig. "Where were you last night and please don't tell me the results aren't in the local news." Pause. "Or any kind of news."

"Yeah Schu. Where were you?" Nagi asked.

"I tailed Nagi to the dance-"

"Hey!" Nagi exclaimed.

"Well I knew about that. But he was in by eleven and you were gone overnight. What else did you do?" Crawford demanded.

"Who did you do would be a better question." Farfarello spoke up from the doorway.

"For fuck's sake Farf, don't tell them! It's embarrassing enough without everyone knowing!" Schuldig pleaded.

Nagi's stupid-happy grin shifted into an evil one as he happily awaited Farfarello's news.

"I saw him leaving a bar last night with Kudoh." Farfarello announced.

Crawford snorted, while Nagi openly laughed at Schuldig.

"Schu, have you checked yourself for herpes yet?" Nagi asked.

"I got tested. Results'll be back in a week." Schuldig grumbled.
"You'd better check yourself for syphilis too. And gonorrhea. And AIDS. And genital warts." Crawford added. Then something occurred to him. "Farfarello, you were out last night?"

Farfarello whistled innocently as he edged towards the kitchen. Crawford flipped through the newspaper until he found Farf's headline.

"Crazed foreigner attacks midnight mass. Thirty three dead, twelve injured. Reward for information-dammit Farf! Did anyone see you coming back here covered in blood?!" Crawford yelled, following Farfarello.

"That description was vague, honestly Crawford, it could have been anyone! You always assume it's me!" Farfarello attempted to defend himself.

Schuldig ignored them, deciding to lose himself in a fruity pebbles induced sugar high and the Looney Tunes golden collection DVD. Once he was set up with his cereal and cartoons, Nagi sat down next to him, watching him. Schuldig ignored him, but it was very hard to get into 'Duck Amuck' with such an intense gaze fixed on you.

"WHAT?!" He finally snapped.

"Just trying to figure out if you're a bottom or a top." Nagi answered with another grin.

"None of your fucking business!" Schuldig shouted.

"Dude! You were totally the bottom!" Nagi exclaimed.

"You're dead Naoe!"

"I gotta call Omi!"

"I'll kill you!"

ELSEWHERE

Yohji spent the better part of the next night trying to convince himself he was still straight. After all, one gay fling didn't make you gay…especially since he'd been so drunk he hardly remembered it…although what he did remember was kinda nice…no! It didn't count! He didn't want it. He'd probably just been a bit horny and there'd been a warm body next to him…yeah, that was plausible enough.

He went cruising around his usual haunts, trying to score with a girl, but he wasn't having very good luck. He was still distracted enough about his night with Schuldig that he kept saying entirely the wrong thing.

"My you certainly are female."

"I'll bet you have a lovely vagina."

SLAP

He finally decided to give up, go home and have a chat with Omi about how he'd known.

SKIPPY SKIPPY

Aya sat on the edge of his bed staring at his alarm clock. It was now three twenty two in the morning. Yohji had yet to come home, which meant he most likely wouldn't be returning. Ken was sleeping, if Aya strained his ears he could hear Ken's snores. If only Omi would go to bed!

Aya had a secret shame to indulge, and he had no intention of doing so while one of his roommates could potentially walk in on him. He decided to himself that if Omi didn't go to sleep within the next five minutes he was going to intervene somehow.

The five minutes passed by. He got up and walked over to Omi's bedroom door. He pressed his ear against the door. He could hear typing. More than likely Omi was online chatting with his computer geek boyfriend.

A plan occurred to Aya. He made his way down to the basement, hoping that Omi didn't have a back up battery for his laptop. Aya found the fuse box and gave it a good swipe with his katana. It was unfortunate that Omi hadn't thought of the fuse box when he'd cut the power to the house (see Malarkies & Mayhem), it would've saved him a trip to and off the roof, not to mention some nasty cuts from the next door neighbor's rose bushes.

Aya made his way back through the darkened house, heading back to his room. He paused outside Omi's room, and listened to Omi's feeble cries and the sound of him uselessly flicking the power switch. Aya waited tensely, until he heard Omi finally give up and go to bed.

Meanwhile across town Nagi was panicking, thinking he'd inadvertently insulted Omi, and that was why he'd signed off so suddenly.

Aya crept back into his room and to his closet. He opened it up and stared at the deceptive row of jeans, ugly orange turtle necks and t-shirts with a lace up front in seven different colors. Behind those were his work clothes, black and purple trench coats with various buckles and other slightly gothed out accessories. He pushed this all out of the way, pried up a loose floorboard in the bottom of the closet where he'd hid a flashlight and his secret shames and obsessions.

Here were his personal effects.

Here were the things that caused him to divert money from Aya's chan's medical bills.

To one side, car wax, windshield fluid, a variety of steering wheel covers which he changed on rotation and other such pretty toys for his porshe. He'd once had Aya-chan's life support unplugged for two weeks when his porshe had needed a tune up.

Next to the car effects were his other private obsession.

Polo shirts, khakis, Banana Republic, Lord and Taylor, the Gap, Abercrombie and Fitch…the general best sweat shops had to offer.

Aya trailed a hand gently over the fabric, which he seldom let himself see, lest one of the others discover what they must never know.

Fujimiya Aya was a yuppie.

LATER

Yohji wearily made his way over to the stairs, still lost in thought questioning his sexuality. He decided to check in and see if Omi was still awake (it wasn't unusual for him to be up at odd hours of the morning online doing work or just chatting). Finding the chibi's room to be dark and without the gentle glow of a computer screen, he headed towards his room.

He was passing by Aya's room when he heard something very unusual. It almost sounded like a giggle. But it had come from Aya's room. Aya most definitely did NOT giggle. Someone had broken in and was attacking Aya!

Yohji wasted no time in breaking into Aya's room to investigate, and what he saw instead frightened him into horrified silence.

Aya stood before him wearing khakis, a striped pink and white collared shirt, a sweater tied around his neck and one of those really dumb looking yuppie/gilligan hats. He'd somehow rearranged and parted his hair so that it somehow looked more normal and…yuppie-ish.

Aya looked like a deer in headlights, his eyes locked with Yohji's. Yohji's mouth was open in a wide 'O' of horror.

Finally, Aya unfroze and backed up until he hit his bed. He pulled off his blanket and tried to cover himself with it.

"Don't look at me. Don't look at me!" He screamed.

Deciding his tired brain had had enough for one evening, Yohji fled to his own room and dove under his covers, whimpering.

THE FOLLOWING MORNING

"I called the electric company Omi." Ken announced at breakfast the next morning. "They said someone would come by sometime today."

"Sometime today? Did you tell them it was an emergency?!" Omi shrieked. The signs of computer withdrawl were already visible. He had bags under his eyes and he was shaking.

"Omi, I think you have a problem you need to deal with." Ken said gently.

"Damn right I have a problem! There's a computer upstairs that I'm not using because someone hacked our fuse box to shreds in the middle of the night!" Omi yelled. "It's a conspiracy! One of our enemies must have broken in, knowing that if they took out the computer, we'd be powerless!"

"Omi…don't you think if one of our enemies wanted to take us out so badly that they'd sneak in, they would've just killed us in our sleep?" Ken asked, in a rare moment of brain power.

"Clearly they mean to torture us first." Omi pouted. "And now Nagi probably thinks I hate him since it signed me off with no warning."

"Well then why don't you go see him in person?" Ken suggested.

"But he's had all night to think about how much I hate him!" Omi exclaimed fearfully.

Ken frowned. There was something about this computer life he'd never quite understood.

"Omi, just eat your breakfast." Ken prodded.

"Computer!" Omi wailed miserably.

Yohji stumbled in then, distracting them both with his state of appearance. He was blinking a lot and smacking the back of his head, as though to loose some sort of horrid vision only he could see. That wasn't entirely unusual behavior, as Yohji occasionally awoke next to girls who were coyote ugly if he was drunk and desperate enough. What was so unusual was that he was so distressed by whatever he had seen that it had made him neglectful in his personal grooming. Most noticeably affected was his hair. He clearly wasn't using product.

"Yohji? What happened?" Ken asked, concern thick in his voice.

"Are you okay?" Omi added.

"Yeah…yeah fine." Yohji said dazedly. "I just saw-"

Aya interrupted him with a very loud coughing fit. Ken got up to pat him on the back and Omi filled a glass of water for him.

As soon as Omi and Ken's backs were turned, Aya fixed his shi-ne glare on Yohji and dragged a finger slowly across his throat.

"Right. I'm just gonna…go…now." Yohji said uncomfortably.