AT THE YACHT CLUB

There wasn’t much in the way of security, which meant the mission would go pretty smoothly. Get in, a quick power outage here, slashy-slashy a victim there, leave unnoticed and their job would be done. Aya was slowly sidling over to a door marked ‘employees only’ to get a view of their fuses when someone greeted him.

“Hello there. Are you, you can’t be, I haven’t seen him in ages. You’re not Fujimiya Ran, are you?” A girl about his age asked nervously. He vaguely remembered her from his pre-Weiss days. She’d been friends with Aya-chan. Shit. Well at least she seemed doubtful.

“N-”

“You are Ran! Don’t you remember me? I used to play with your sister when we were kids! Where have you been?” She asked pleasantly.

‘Dead.’ Aya thought to himself. No way he was going to convince her he wasn’t himself now. Damned conspicuous features and coloring.

He was dragged off to reacquaint himself with her family, stuttering protests while she chatted away, blatantly ignoring anything he said.

MEANWHILE

Yohji and Omi headed back to the Koneko, in much better spirits than they’d been when they’d set out for the carnival. It had taken them awhile to find each other in the chaos, or rather, it had taken Yohji awhile to find Omi and Nagi necking in a tilt-a-whirl, but after that they’d had a pleasant walk home.

Omi was back in stupid-happy mode over the state of his relationship. Yohji half listened, occasionally chiming in with some sort of ‘that’s wonderful, glad you’re happy’ type comment when appropriate.

They came to a sudden halt when they caught sight of the Koneko. It looked like the emus and goats had made their way across town to the flower shop. The glass was shattered, pots had been broken and spilled, furniture tipped over and a hose was running.

“Ken!” Yohji and Omi yelled at the same time, unfreezing and charging into the Koneko. It was empty, save for Ken huddled in a corner, hugging his knees with one hand and holding up a daisy as menacingly as possible whilst shaking and unblinking.

“Can’t see me…can’t see me while I’m hiding…too many, all touching…giggling…swarms…can’t process…too much…” Ken whispered shakily.

Yohji and Omi crouched next to him. “Guess they didn’t go to the carnival.” Omi said stupidly.

“Note to self, one person is never enough to man the shop, no matter what the circumstances.” Yohji muttered. “Ken? Are you okay?”

“Honestly Yohji-kun, does he look okay?” Omi asked.

“Well I thought it might get him to talk to us instead of himself. He hasn’t looked at either of us yet. I don’t know if he’s even blinked.” Yohji said with a frown, waving a hand in front of Ken’s face.

“I don’t think he’s blinked for awhile now Yohji-kun, look at that flower petal stuck to his eyeball.” Omi noted.

“One of us should pull it off, can’t be good for his vision.” Yohji muttered. Neither of them made a move.

“Any minute now Yohji-kun.” Omi prodded.

“I’m not doing it, he looks like he’s ready to snap!” Yohji argued.

“But I don’t wanna do it!” Omi whined. He used his most effective weapon, and turned the puppy dog eyes onto Yohji.

“Will you quit it? You’re seventeen, that shouldn’t wor- oh hell, fine I’ll do it, just stop looking at me!” Yohji yelled. He took a calming breath and then tentatively reached out a hand to pluck off the flower petal.

And Ken finally noticed them.

MEANWHILE

“Is there something wrong with Farfarello?” Nagi asked worriedly. He’d just walked through the living room where he’d found Farfarello with a 96 pack of crayolas (with crayon sharpener) drawing stick figure family pictures repeatedly. He had to be on his thirtieth at that point. So Nagi had said nothing and walked into the kitchen, where Schuldig and Crawford were eating breakfast.

“Is there something wrong with Farf? Think about what you said there Nagi.” Schuldig said with amusement.

“I know! I mean besides the obvious psychotic tendencies and religious paranoia and all that. He hasn’t even come up with a good conspiracy theory lately, and now he’s coloring! Isn’t that a little weird?” Nagi asked.

“Just leave him alone for awhile.” Crawford said, as Schuldig rose from his chair and made for the living room. “Schuldig. Leave him alone.”

“But I am his friend and if he is upset he should talk to me.” Schuldig said, very unconvincingly.

“Since you’re charging into this, I get to do an ‘I Told You So’ dance later when he almost kills you.” Crawford said.

“What’s he gonna do, stab me through the heart with a crayon?” Schuldig asked, taking his leave of the kitchen.

“Yes.” Nagi snapped.

LATER AT THE EMERGENCY ROOM

Had ya going there, didn’t we? But really, they are at the emergency room, sans crayon in heart.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better now Ken-kun.” Omi said sweetly. “It’s too bad about your eye though.”

“The doctor said the eye patch is only temporary. That’s good at least. Is Yohji out of surgery yet? I really need to apologize.” Ken said guiltily.

They were in the waiting room while Yohji was getting stitches. Ken had been seen about the damage he’d inflicted to his eye while Yohji had attempted to peel off the flower petal, and after that they were going to head back to the shop and clean up.

“Hey Omi, isn’t that your boyfriend?” Ken asked, pointing to the door.

“Nagi-kun! I’m so happy to see him-at the emergency room…” Omi’s voice trailed off as his eyes teared up.

Meanwhile, Nagi slouched into the emergency room with the rest of Schwarz, annoyed at having to waste another Saturday at the emergency room and regretting leaving his laptop at home. Now he was screwed for his homework. Then he was hit by something moving too fast for him to see. He fell backwards a few steps before he quite heard the wailing, and then figured out it was Omi.

“What are you doing here? Are you okay? You’re not dying, are you? Oh my God I’m gonna be a widow! Er. Widower!” Omi sobbed. “I’m too young for you to die! You’re too young for you to die!”

“Omi I’m not dying! We’re here about Schuldig!” Nagi yelped, trying to pry Omi off a little as he was getting uncomfortable.

“Damn right we are, outta my way! Nurse!” Schuldig snapped, pushing the chibis over. “I need to have a tumor removed, and it’s damned malignant!”

Farfarello was clamped onto his arm, growling. His teeth were sunk in deep, and his lips were stained with blood, as was the front of his t-shirt.

Crawford followed, muttering angrily and clutching the insurance cards.

Nagi sat down with Omi and Ken, trying to pretend he wasn’t with Schwarz since they were getting by far the most attention of anyone in the emergency room. “So what are you in for?” Nagi asked conversationally.

“We left Ken-kun alone at the shop.” Omi explained. “So he kinda lost it and attacked Yohji-kun. Yohji-kun’s getting stitches right now. But on the bright side I got to drive a car here!” Omi said brightly.

“I didn’t know you had your license.” Ken reflected.

“I don’t.” Omi answered. “I have a permit. I couldn’t fit you all on my bike so I drove Aya-kun’s porsche. Do you think he’ll mind?”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine about it.” Ken said dismissively.

‘Even though I sorta scratched it a little in the parking lot.’ Omi thought to himself. But Aya wasn’t really very materialistic, he shouldn’t mind…

Meanwhile, at the yacht club Aya jerked for no apparent reason, feeling a stab of pain in his frozen little ice-heart he couldn’t explain.

Yohji entered the waiting room, nodded at Schuldig who was filling out forms with Farfarello still attached to his arm, and walked over to Omi and Ken. Omi said goodbye to Nagi and they left the emergency room together.

“Well that wasn’t too bad at least.” Omi said optimistically.

“I like my eye patch. I think it’s kinda pretty. Do you guys wanna sign it?” Ken asked brightly. “Maybe I’ll keep it like this though. I think it makes me look dark. And moody.”

“I think it makes you look like a gay pirate.” Yohji snapped. His stitches were itchy.

“So now we’ve got a gay cowboy and a gay pirate.” Omi noted nervously. Yohji lost it.

“I am not in the mood for this! I was trying to help you Ken, fuck that! If this is what I get for it-I got twelve stitches, these ones, on my arm, and then three you don’t even wanna know where, and-”

“Do you hear sirens?” Omi asked.

“We’re at a hospital Omi! Of course there are fucking sirens!” Yohji snapped.

“But they’re getting close.” Ken noted.

“I am not done ranting, do not change the fucking sub-”

And Yohji was cut off as an ambulance ran him over.

LATER

Schuldig glared. He hated hospitals. Fucking Farf. Of course he would have to carry all sorts of diseases, so now he had to stay at least overnight for observation while they sent his blood away for tests. They could already tell he had something, as his bite wound was infected. It was pussing purple.

For safety they had given him all manner of painful vaccinations. Crawford had pulled some amount of strings to get them to release Farfarello, because if they kept him at the hospital for a minute longer they would’ve shipped him off to the nuthouse, and it would’ve taken months to go through all the paperwork to get him out of one of those places…again.

Too bad. It wouldn’t have been so bad with Farf as his roommate. He wasn’t even sure who his roommate was going to be.

And then a very pissed off cowboy was wheeled in with a giant cast on his leg.

“Listen, you’re obviously cranky Kudoh-san, let’s tell jokes to lighten the mood!” The nurse suggested happily.

“Okay, sure! I’ve got a killer joke for you!” Yohji said brightly. “Now you gotta tell me if you’ve heard this one before. A gay cowboy, a gay pirate and a little girl walk out of an emergency room. Okay, then the cowboy gets hit by an ambulance!” Yohji yelled, and the nurse backed away a bit. With the aid of another nurse, they got Yohji onto the hospital bed, and she handed him a button with a wire sticking out of it.

“Here. This is the morphine.”

“Excuse me?” Yohji asked.

“For the pain. Just punch the button once and all the bad little pain monsters will go away.” The nurse explained.

“Can I have morphine?” Schuldig asked.

“No dear.” The nurse answered.

“But my arm’s turning purple!” Schuldig yelled.

“Sorry, it’s on your chart. No morphine. Oh, this is your new roommate. He just came in today too.”

“Yeah, we’ve met. Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out!” Schuldig called. He muttered angrily about his lack of morphine as they left.

ELSEWHERE

Omi pulled the porsche into the garage and accidentally bumped it against Yohji’s car. “Oops. Oh well, just a little dent.” Omi said pleasantly.

They walked into the shop and began sweeping up the debris when the phone rang. “I’ll get it.” Omi offered. “Heydo!”

“Omi, you gotta help me! I’m engaged!” Aya yelped in a panic. Omi didn’t recognize his voice in its panicked tone.

“Who is this? I think you’ve got the wrong number.”

“No, Omi it’s me! Aya! I was at the yacht club, and I met this girl that I used to know, and she wants to marry me and I can’t say no and there are all these people and I need help!” Aya hissed. “No Sugimura-sama, I’m okay. I’m just calling home. No, I don’t want anymore hors d’oeuvres. Omi, are you there? You need to help me. They’re all too nice and I can’t say no.”

“Aya? I think they’ll understand if you tell them you don’t want to marry their daughter.” Omi said patiently.

“No, Omi, I think this is an arranged marriage. It’s not news to anyone here! Except me. I think I would remember mom telling me she’d promised me to Yuka Sugimura! Oh, this makes so much sense. No wonder Aya and her were always planning out weddings together for fun.”

Omi had the feeling he’d missed half the conversation.

“What’s going on?” Ken asked, leaning on his broom.

“Something’s wrong with Aya. You can take this call, I don’t get it.” Omi responded, thrusting the phone at Ken.

Aya and Ken had a brief conversation that ended with Ken rushing off to the yacht club, thinking hard of some way to get Aya out of his mess.

Omi hauled the garbage outside, walked back in and began making up new floral displays for the window, when he realized that for the first time ever he was completely alone at the Koneko.

He dived for his computer to IM Nagi.

Bombay22987 9:43PM: Hey Nags?

Fatesbitch89 9:43PM: yeah?
Bombay22987 9:44PM: wanna hear a tragedy?
Fatesbitch89 9:44PM: tragedy like, oh no schus in a coma? or tragedy like, schus got a super immune system and will live 4-eva?
Bombay22987 9:44PM: tragedy like im all alone in a dark house wit no one to talk to or nething

Fatesbitch89 9:45PM: intriguing

Bombay22987 9:45PM: I dunno when theyre getting back either…probably be hourz

 Fatesbitch899:45PM: that really is a tragedy. im on my way Fatesbitch89 signed off 9:45PM

MEANWHILE

Aya sat nervously in the cluster of his future inlaws. They were excitedly chatting, making plans about the wedding, and his future mother-in-law whipped out baby pictures of him and Yuka playing. It disturbed Aya greatly that he didn’t possess a single baby picture of himself and this woman had like fifty in her purse at all times.

“So how’s your mother doing dear? I haven’t seen her in, gosh it must be four years now.” One of the relatives, he couldn’t remember her name, asked pleasantly. “It’s as if she vanished off the face of the earth.”

‘Hurry Ken’. Aya mentally pleaded. He was a bit bothered that all this was riding on Ken. But there was a plus side. Had it been Yohji, he would more than likely get out of it by having some sort of embarrassing STD. But not Ken. Most likely Ken didn’t even know what STDs were.

He could just imagine Ken running in yelling, “Aya can’t marry you because he’s dead! I stole a getaway car for us, now come on before the police catch up! We‘re a-going to Canada!” He shuddered, and then avoided more questions about his family, mentally chanting ‘believe in your teammates’.

They heard a motorcycle screech into the parking lot and then Ken ran in, a bloody rip on one of his knees, eye patch, hair messed up from lack of helmet, a wrist brace and shirt ripped from his fight with Yohji.

The yuppies were all very startled and the room went quiet. Aya looked very uncomfortable.

“Ran! I had to find you! I just got the AIDS test back!” Ken yelled, running over to Aya, who turned a bright shade of red. The yuppies looked positively scandalized as they began whispering.

Ken smiled proudly at Aya. He’d thought of that excuse all by himself.

“Well?” Aya snapped stiffly.

“Oh, right. I’ve got AIDS. You probably do too now.” Ken put in.

“He sounds awfully happy about that.” Yuka noted suspiciously.

“He’s a bit dim. Yuko, this is my gay lover Ken. Ken, this is my fiancee Yuko.” Aya introduced.

“It’s Yuka! Yuko’s my twin sister! And I can’t believe you’re cheating on me!” Yuka exclaimed.

“Ran! You slut! He never told me he was engaged! I feel so used!” Ken sobbed.

“Me too!” Yuka wailed. “I’ve been looking forward to this marriage since I was a little girl, and now, now we couldn’t even have babies because he had to go and get the AIDS!”

“What a slut…” Ken whimpered, giving Yuka a sympathy half hug.

Aya, meanwhile, had gone rigid with anger. Couldn’t have been Yohji. A quick mention of gonorrhea and it would have been over.

“Maybe we should leave now…honey.” Aya said stiffly through gritted teeth.

“I’m not going anywhere with you! Not after what you’ve done to us!” Ken yelled, pulling away from Aya. Yuka sniffed angrily and hugged Ken back.

“He’s done enough.” She said with a glare.

“Ken, dear, you’re the one I want to be with.” Aya explained, with no feeling at all in his voice. “I have to marry Yuki for my family though.”

“Yuka!” She yelled.

“Whatever.”

“The hell you’re marrying my daughter, you, you nancy! I don’t want her catching the AIDS!” Sugimura-san yelled.

“But father, I still love Ran!” Yuka sobbed into Ken’s shoulder.

“He’s a bastard but I love him!” Ken agreed. “With all my heart.”

“Well then Ken…sweetheart. Let’s go back home then.” Aya almost growled.

“First I’m gonna get some punch, it looks really yummy. Did you make that ma’am? You did a wonderful job-”

“Ken!”

“Well the gummy bears in the ice-cubes add a nice touch. Gives it a very homey feeling. And I want the recipe to that flan.”

LATER

“So honey, what’cha thinking?” Ken asked as they pulled up in front of the Koneko on his motorcycle. Aya had been silent for the ride home, mentally playing different scenarios of pain and torture for Ken.

“I’m trying to decide whether I should castrate you or skin you alive.” Aya snapped.

“That’s nice. Make sure you cut away from yourself when you do it though. Oh, by the way, Yohji’s in the hospital. He got run over by an ambulance while you were out.”

…

“Wait a minute, what do you mean castrate me?!” Ken yelped.

The two started bickering as they entered the eerily dark Koneko. They walked through the shop and into the living area, to the TV room. Aya flicked on the light switch as they were walking, and then they both went very quiet.

“A-Aya-kun? Ken-kun?” Omi said in a breathless and shaky voice.

Pause.

“EW!!!” Ken yelled, covering his eye.

“Omi get your pants on! You too, and get out of this house!” Aya yelled.

Pause.

“Can you kick over my shirt please?” Nagi muttered.

“Out!” Aya yelled, practically chasing Nagi out the door.

Omi looked offended.

“You’ve never cleared out any of Yohji-kun’s dates.” Omi sniffed.

“Yohji’s never gotten that far on the living room sofa!” Aya yelled.

“Okay. So next time we’ll go up to my room-”

“There isn’t gonna be a next time! That was gross!” Ken exclaimed, still covering his one eye.

Now Omi looked really offended. “You know, we did date for two days before you inexplicably dumped me.(Malarkies-A/N) I’m not ten.”

“Yeah, but your boyfriend is.” Ken shot back.

“He’s not ten!” Omi yelled. Pause. “He’s mature for his age.”

“Omi go to your room!” Aya yelled.

“You can’t tell me to go to my room!” Omi yelled back.

“Go to your room!” Ken yelled, backing up Aya.

“Fine, I’m going to my room, but it’s not because you told me to! It’s because I can’t get these pants back on, and I have too much dignity to stand here in my undies!”

BACK AT DA HOSPITAL

“Oooooooooooooooow….Oooooooooooooooooow…” Yohji moaned repeatedly.

Schuldig opened his eyes, a scowl on his face. He reached over and grabbed one of Yohji’s crutches, then smacked the cast with it. “It’s two in the fucking morning! Shut up!” He yelled over Yohji’s scream of pain.

A nurse walked into the room, looking very annoyed. She grabbed the crutches. “This is your last warning! Keep it down, some people are trying to sleep!”

“Gimme valium!” Schuldig yelled to her retreating back.

“Oooooooooooooooooow…Ooooooooooooooww…” Yohji went back to moaning. “My leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg…”

“Oh stop it! They’re giving you drugs, use them! You’ve got a morphine button!” Schuldig snapped. “See that button there? Press the button and the pain will go away and I can sleep!”

Buzz.

“I don’t feel anything.” Yohji whined.

“Keep pressing it.” Schuldig growled.

Buzz.

…

Buzz.

That sound was kinda fun.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

“I still don’t feel any-whoa!” Yohji fell out of the bed and began writhing on the floor.

Schuldig half heartedly considered getting the nurse’s attention and letting her know his roommate was overdosing on morphine.

“Hey nurse!” He called.

“I told you to go to sleep!”

“Alright!”