“Good night Mamoru, sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.”

“Night Mama.” Mamoru chirped happily. He clutched his blanky and his teddie and closed his eyes for sleep.

Mrs. Takatori beamed at her well behaved son before shutting the light out. Sure, after two boys she’d really wanted a daughter, but Mamoru was enough of a blessing. And he didn’t seem to mind that she’d painted his bedroom pink. Reiji was upset about the way she treated him, but she insisted she’d stop doing his hair in barrettes and playing makeup with him when he was old enough for school.

After Mrs. Takatori left the room all was well and silent…for a few minutes. Then a rustling noise was heard. The door slowly opened and pairs of glowing red eyes advanced towards the bed. Mamoru thought he heard something and opened his eyes. The red eyes hid under his bed, and he just barely caught the flicker of light as they went under.

“I don’ wanna big boy bed no moh!” Mamoru whimpered. “S’okay Bill, I’ll pr’teck you.” Mamoru said to his bear. “You see who’s down there. Tell me real quick and I’ll pull you back up, okey dokey?” He made the bear nod, and then tossed him under the bed.

Some shredding noises were heard and then stuffing started flying out from under the bed. Mamoru started shrieking, and he covered himself with his blanky.

“Mamoru, what is it sweetheart?” Mrs. Takatori asked, turning on the light. Of course the shredding promptly ceased. Mamoru was shaking under the blanket.

“What the hell is all this noise?” Reiji Takatori demanded.

“He’s dead!” Mamoru chirped. “Who’s gonna tell Missus Bill her hubby ain’t comin’ home?!”

“Who’s dead?” Reiji demanded.

“Bill!”

“Who the hell is Bill?”

“Watch your language in front of our son! And Bill is his teddy bear.” Mrs. Takatori said, picking up Mamoru and rocking him.

“Good. You’re too old to be playing with teddy bears.” Reiji snapped.

“He’s three!” Mrs. Takatori exclaimed.

“Right. I’m going back downstairs, keep it quiet.”

“Your son is not an it!” Mrs. Takatori said angrily.

“My son. Right.” Reiji muttered. “Whore.”

“Whassa whore Mama?” Mamoru asked.

“He said horse honey.”

“Why are you a horsey?”

“Daddy’s being silly. I’m sure we’ll find Bill in the morning hon, just go back to bed.” Mrs. Takatori laid Mamoru back down, kissed his cheek, turned out the light and shut the door.

Mamoru went back to shaking under the blanket. He closed his eyes and pretended there was no monster. Then his bed lurched forward and he screamed.

In the living room downstairs Mrs. Takatori made to go to her son again and her husband stopped her. “You need to stop coddling that boy. Leave him, he can’t be terrified of monsters under his bed forever.”

“He’s three!” Mrs. Takatori repeated.

Upstairs Mamoru dove off the bed and ran screaming down the stairs. “Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!”

“Honey! Oh honey, you need to go back to sleep!” Mrs. Takatori scooped him up and started carrying him towards his room, so he reached out and grabbed the doorframe and wouldn’t let go. “Honey stop that!”

“They’re gonna kill me like Bill!” Mamoru cried.

“They only kill naughty little boys who don’t listen to their parents.” Reiji said.

“Reiji, stoppit!” Mrs. Takatori snapped. “Sweetheart let go! You’re going to hurt your arms!”

“I don’ care! I don’ wanna!”

“Why don’t we go look under your bed-” Mrs. Takatori started, but Mamoru cut her off.

“I don’ wanna die like Bill!”

“Maybe he should sleep in our bed tonight Reiji-”

“No!” Reiji got up, grabbed Mamoru from his wife, gave one good tug that ripped Mamoru from the door way and dragged him crying and screaming to his bedroom. He dropped him onto the bed, shut and locked the door, and then went downstairs.

Mamoru stayed perfectly still, hoping the monsters wouldn’t know he was there. Then they poked their heads over the edge of the bed.

The glowing red eyes were attached to celery. Mutated celery monsters were climbing onto Mamoru’s bed.

“Come play with us Mamoru. Under the bed. You’ll like it under here.” One of the pieces of celery suggested.

“Bill likes it under here too.” Another one said, then he held up Bill’s severed head.

“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!” Mamoru screamed. He ran over to his door and started banging on it. “Momeeee!!! Dadeeeeee!!!”

“Not another word out of you mister! Back to bed!” Reiji thundered.

Hirofumi poked his head out of his bedroom. “Mamoru? What’s going on?”

“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! They’re gonna kill me like Bill!”

“Who is? Mamoru?” Hirofumi tried to open the locked door. “Mamoru, who’s in there?”

“C-celery!” Mamoru sobbed. “I don’ wanna play!”

“Frickin’ Masafumi, he’s not supposed to experiment on his veggies anymore.” Hirofumi growled. He ran back into his room, got a bobby pin and then picked the lock on Mamoru’s door. He picked up his shaking baby brother in one arm and scooped up the mutated celery with the other and marched downstairs.

“Mom! Dad! Masafumi’s been picking on Mamoru again! And he’s not eating his vegetables! If he doesn’t have to eat his celery then I don’t wanna! It’s not fair!”

Reiji picked up the mutated celery and examined it. “The boy’s getting good at this. We should send him to that science camp he was talking about.”

“Reiji! He shouldn’t be using his gifts to torment our youngest.” Mrs. Takatori said, hugging Mamoru.

“Right. And you, Hirofumi, need to learn not to snitch so much. That sort of thing can get you in trouble.”

“But Dad-”

“No buts! To bed, both of you, or Santa won’t come!”

SKIPPY SKIPPY

Mamoru was awoken much later into the night when his brothers entered his room.

“Mamoru? Are you awake?” Hirofumi asked.

“I am now.” Mamoru answered, rubbing sleepies from his eyes.

“Hirofumi thinks he heard Santa.” Masafumi said. “I think it was a burglar. Did you hear anything?”

“We want you to come with us to see if it’s Santa.” Hirofumi said.

“Or a burglar.” Masafumi added.

So they dragged their little brother out of bed and walked downstairs to their living room and waited by the Christmas tree. They could hear some more thudding on the roof.

“Are we s’posed to be here? What if Santa doesn’ give the presents if you’re awake?” Mamoru asked.

“Then we’ll trade you for the presents. I bet he could use another elf slave.” Masafumi decided.

“What?” Mamoru asked, his eyes going big.

“Well what did you think the elves were? Santa goes at night so he can kidnap elf-slaves. I mean, have you ever seen anybody get coal? No, he just kidnaps the naughty girls and boys and their parents don’t care because they don’t love them.” Masafumi explained. He got a thump on the head from Hirofumi.

“I think I hear something from the kitchen. Maybe Santa found the cookies and milk we left for him.” Hirofumi decided. He lead his little brothers to the kitchen, and they saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. There was no mistletoe, and they were kissing in a way Mamoru had yet to see. Hirofumi clamped a hand over Mamoru’s eyes and pulled his brothers away.

Reiji was running down the stairs in his bathrobe clutching a shotgun. “What is it? Where is he?” Reiji asked, waving the gun wildly.

“Daddy no! You can’ kill Santa on Christmas!” Mamoru cried, clutching his Daddy’s bathrobe.

“Mommy’s kissing Santa Claus! She’s kissing him like people on TV! I wonder if we get more presents this year.” Masafumi brainstormed.

“Out of the way boy!” Reiji growled. He stalked into the kitchen with his sons trailing and aimed his rifle at Santa. “I already called the cops. You got to the count of three to explain yourself. One-”

“It’s me, Shuichi.” Santa mouthed, trying to keep the kids from noticing.

Bang!

“You said I had till the count of three!” Shuichi exclaimed, jumping back. The bullet had grazed his leg.

“Santa’s bleeding!” Mamoru cried.

“Into the living room!” Hirofumi yelled, trying to push Mamoru and Masafumi away.

“Give him one in the belly, I wanna see if there’s really jelly inside Daddy!” Masafumi enthused.

“Dammit Reiji, that’s your brother! He’s just trying to do something nice for the kids!” Mrs. Takatori yelled.

“The kids. Right.” Reiji growled.

Then the police showed up.

“Dude! This is the best Christmas ever!” Masafumi exclaimed as the police trained their guns on Santa. “I bet if they kill him we can steal his sleigh and take over his workshop!”

“They’re gonna kill Santa!”

“They’re not gonna kill Santa Mamoru, calm down.” Hirofumi said comfortingly.

“Sir, do you know this man?” One of the cops asked, pulling off the fake beard.

“Never seen him before in my life.” Reiji answered.

“I’m his brother!” Shuichi exclaimed. “His biological brother!”

“Santa’s uncle Shuichi?” Mamoru asked.

Then the police handcuffed Santa and frisked him for weapons. “Reiji! Reiji tell them who I am! You’re gonna traumatize the kids!”

“Bang bang! I shot you Santa!” Masafumi said, holding up his hand like a gun.

“Yes, I intend to press charges.” Reiji said to one of the cops questioning him.

Mamoru had lost it. He ran under the tree and pulled out a nerf crossbow set and started firing at the cops. “Leave Uncle Santa alone you meanies!”

“Uncle Santa?” One of the officers asked.

“That’s our uncle Shuichi. How come you never told us you were Santa uncle Shuichi?” Hirofumi asked.

“I’m one of Santa’s helpers.” Shuichi said. “He asked me to come here because otherwise he might’ve been late. Rudolph’s got a cold.”

“You can help yourself out and into the police car.” Reiji snapped.

“How did you get into the house?” A cop asked.

“With the key they gave me.” Shuichi explained.

“I don’t remember giving you a key.” Reiji snapped.

“I did.” Mrs. Takatori snapped back.

“Sir, if he had a key it’s really not breaking and entering.” One of the cops said. “We’re going to have to let him go.”

“How can you sleep at night? Letting a criminal like this run free-”

“I’m your brother!”

“Bah humbug!”

SKIPPY SKIPPY

“And that’s the first Christmas I can remember.” Omi explained. “That’s also why I don’t like celery.”

“I got that beat.” Nagi said.

“Is this a competition?” Omi asked.

“It is now.”

A Nagi Christmas Memory

“What the hell kind of a Christmas present is that?” Schuldig snapped.

“I didn’t say it was a Christmas present, I said I had a surprise. This is our last team member. His name is Nagi, treat him better than you treated that goldfish I bought you.” Crawford ordered.

“Hey, it’s not my fault the stupid goldfish couldn’t survive in Farf’s Kool-Aid.”

“And I suppose it wasn’t your fault Farfarello choked on it?” Crawford asked.

“He deserved it for eating Captain Guppy!” Schuldig insisted.

“M-my name is Naoe Nagi and I’m six and eleven months.” Nagi said shyly, hiding behind Crawford’s leg.

“Yeah, I don’t care. I didn’t ask for your life story.” Schuldig snapped. “What’s he do?”

“Nagi’s a telekinetic, and he’s only going to get more powerful as he ages.” Crawford explained. “Nagi, this is Schuldig. He’s telepathic, so one of your first lessons is going to be about developing mental shields.”

“You take all the fun out of life, you know that?” Schuldig whined. “You’re telekinetic, right?”

“Uh huh.”

“So, go telekinetic me the remote control.” Schuldig said, flopping in front of the couch.

“I’ll go get Farfarello. He should meet Nagi.” Crawford decided. He pulled out a key ring and walked over to a heavily protected door.

Nagi sat down with Schuldig in front of the TV.

“Right, as the newest member of Schwarz, that makes you my slave. Farf is Crawford’s slave, that’s why he has him locked up. There’s this pecking order. Me and Crawford are the oldest and the biggest, and you and Farf are the youngest and the smallest, so you have to do what we say. Understand?”

Nagi nodded.

“Then why don’t I have Kool-Aid right now?” Schuldig asked.

Crawford ran back into the room. “Farfarello got out!”

“Well I left his window open so he’d have some sun.” Schuldig said pleasantly.

“It’s December!” Crawford yelled. Schuldig shrugged.

“I was kinda hoping we’d lose him. And we have! So back to the telly. This Japanese TV really sucks. We’d better not be stuck in Japan very long.” Schuldig flopped onto the couch again, and Crawford yanked him up by the collar and shoved him towards the door. Nagi followed nervously.

“Look, we need to find him quickly so we’ll split up. I’ll drop you two off and you go look for him together. Together Schuldig, you can’t just ditch Nagi and come home.” Crawford said sternly.

“Maybe we should check the train tracks in case he got hit by a train. If he did can I have his room? There’s this spring on the sleep sofa that’s been digging into my back-”

“No! Dammit Schuldig, find him and bring him back alive.”

“You make me do everything! You make me watch the short one, and now I hafta go find the crazy one? If I’m gonna be a babysitter you should at least pay me for it!” Schuldig whined.

“What’s Farf’rello look like?” Nagi asked.

“Crazy. And bloody. And scary. He’ll probably kill you and eat you.” Schuldig said. Crawford smacked him. “Ow!”

“He’s got white hair and yellow eyes. He tends to stand out.”

“Is he a cat?” Nagi asked.

“No. He’s a very disturbed Irish boy.” Crawford explained.

He drove them a few neighborhoods away, to a place they’d caught Farfarello at a few of the other times he’d escaped. “Start looking, I’ll be back in a half hour.”

“It’s cold! Can’t we just let the police catch him this time?” Schuldig asked. “This is no way to spend Christmas Eve!”

“Then don’t leave the window open for sun anymore!” Crawford snapped before driving away.

Schuldig glared at Nagi, then kicked him and started walking too fast for his little legs. “Do you know why we keep Farf in a cage?” Schuldig asked.

“N-no! I just got here!” Nagi chirped, jogging to keep up with Schuldig.

“Well, it’s because he doesn’t like kids. He killed our last teammate. The one you’re replacing.”

“Crawford-san didn’t say I was a replacement.” Nagi said.

“That’s because he doesn’t want you to know. He doesn’t care about you. But I do. That’s why I’m telling you to leave now while you’ve still got a chance! He hasn’t implanted the tracking chip in your brain yet, has he?” Schuldig asked.

“N-no!”

“It’s why he took the car. He’s got a little screen in there to tell him where we are at all times.” Schuldig explained.

“Then why’d he leave us here?” Nagi asked.

“So you can meet Farf yourself. He doesn’t want to be around in case Farfarello reacts to you the same way he did to Terry.” Schuldig answered.

“Terry?”

“He was our last telekinetic. He’s also that meatloaf we have in the fridge. Crawford’s going to tell you it’s leftovers, but now you know better. Make sure you chew it good, you might find a finger in there.”

Nagi started crying as he ran to catch up to Schuldig.

“Oh holy Jesus! Not on the lord’s birthday!!” A woman screamed.

“Well I think we found Farf.” Schu said pleasantly. “You go first and see if he’s in there.”

“Uh uh. I’m not dumb!” Nagi insisted.

“But you’re expendable and I’m not! Boot!” Schuldig booted Nagi into the church. Nagi let out a terrified wail and covered his eyes with his hands.

“What is this? A stray lamb for me to play with? Did God send you?”

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!” Nagi squealed, backing away. “Uh uh! This blond kid did! I don’ mean no harm mister! I was just looking for food and this guy with glasses took me to this place and there was this blond kid who said I was his slave and they told me about a cat man and please don’t turn me into meatloaf like Terry!”

“Who the hell is Terry?” Farfarello asked.

“I dunno! I just got here!” Nagi finally uncovered his eyes and looked at his new teammate.

Farfarello was quite a bit taller than him, scratched up, covered in blood, wearing an altar cloth like a cape, and surrounded by fire with broken stained glass windows framing him. Nagi’d had about all his little six year old self could take and he passed out.

LATER

“Is he okay?”

“Maybe he’s dead.”

“We should probably bury him then.”

“Yeah, he might start smelling.”

“Ooo. Or maybe we could flush him down the toilet!”

“We have an outhouse!”

“We could flush him down someone else’s toilet.”

“Wha?” Nagi opened his eyes. Schuldig and Farfarello were smiling at him. “Eeeek!” He covered his eyes with his hands and started trembling.

“What did you do to him now?” Crawford demanded. They were back at the tiny shack Esset had given Schwarz to train in. Complete with one bedroom (designated for Farfarello) a living room/bedroom/kitchen, a working pump and an outhouse. If it wasn’t for the tiny black and white television, Schuldig would have probably chewed open his wrists already.

“Nothing! He just started crying when he woke up. He’s a little wuss.” Schuldig said defensively. “We should hock him and buy a decent TV. He’d make a good coat stand.”

“You could lean your umbrellas against him.” Farfarello suggested.

“Shut up Farfarello.”

“Make me blondie.”

“Stop it you two! Go to your corners!” Crawford snapped.

“No!” Schuldig refused. “I’m an adult, it’s time you started treating me like one!”

“You’re fourteen and you’re a spoiled brat! Even though we don’t have anything you still manage to be spoiled. Go in the closet then!” Crawford ordered.

“But there are strange buggies in the closet.” Schuldig whined.

Farfarello was sitting in his corner singing to himself. “My house it has three corners, three corners has my house. And had it not three corners…it would be a decent place to live in.”

“Can Santa come here without a chimney?” Nagi asked curiously.

“Santa’s dead. Farf killed him because Santa loves Jesus.” Schuldig explained.

“Closet!” Crawford snapped.

“Abuse! Rape! Rape!”

“What was that?” Crawford asked.

“Nothing. Just practicing.” Schuldig answered with a cheery smile. He stared warily at the closet door. “Can I at least have a can of Raid?”

“It’s in the outhouse if you want to fetch it.” Crawford said.

“You heard him slave.” Schuldig snapped to Nagi.

“Nagi! Where are you going?” Crawford asked.

“It’s okay, Schuldig already explained everything to me.” Nagi said to Crawford. Schuldig was waving his arms and making a cutting motion across his throat. Crawford turned around and he stopped. “He told me about the pecking order, and how Farf’s your slave-”

At this Farf started laughing.

“And I’m his.” Nagi finished.

“Schuldig says a lot of things. Most of it’s lies.” Crawford explained gently. “You’re not his slave. You’re Esset’s slave. And we’re working on that situation. Now, Santa is not dead, he can’t die. He lives forever. Like Highlander. Help me pull out the couch and we’ll go to sleep so he can come visit.”

LATER

Thud.

“Ow! Crawford-san, Schuldig pushed me off the couch again!” Nagi complained.

“Stop being such a snitch.” Schuldig hissed.

“Stop pushing him off the couch. Sleep. Sleep dammit.” Crawford murmured, sounding half dead.

“Well with the whelp sharing the sleep sofa the spring’s going directly into my spine! I can’t live like this Crawford!” Schuldig whined, pushing Nagi back off the couch as he tried to get on again.

Thud.

“Ow! Crawford-san!”

“Can’t he just share a room with Farf? Give him a flashlight and a can of Raid and he’ll be fine.” Schuldig suggested. There was the sound of a thud and some deranged giggling coming from Farfarello’s room. Nagi whimpered, and then clung to Crawford’s leg.

“Don’ send me into Farf’s room! I’ll be good! I’ll sleep under the sleep sofa!” Nagi begged. “I’ll sleep in the closet! Please! I want to live!”

“Nagi leggo…” Crawford said sleepily, trying to pry the frightened child off his leg.

“He’s such a brat. You should send him back to wherever you got him from, he’s obviously defective.” Schuldig decided, stealing the majority of the blanket and rolling over away from the spring.

“No! Don’ send me away. I’ve never had a Christmas with a family before-”

“Don’t suck up! He’s playing with your brain, and that’s my job!” Schuldig yelled.

“Thassit! Schuldig, Nagi, Farf’s room! Crawford closet!” Crawford ordered, eyes half open as he ripped the blanket back.

“What?” Schuldig asked, genuinely confused.

“Go!” Crawford yelled.

“No!” Nagi wailed, as he was shaken off of Crawford’s leg and tossed into Farfarello’s room. Schuldig followed reluctantly, muttering angrily under his breath.

Crawford slammed the door shut, and then collapsed in front of the closet door.

“That’s it Nagi. You broke Crawford.” Schuldig accused, kicking Nagi’s leg.

“Schuldig be quiet.” Nagi pleaded in a whisper.

“Why the fuck should I-?!” Schuldig asked loudly, then they heard a deranged laugh from somewhere in the shadows. “Oh. Farfarello, I have brought you a sacrifice!”

“Himself!” Nagi chirped. “He wants to sacrifice himself!”

“The hell I do! Just kill the whelp so we can have some meatloaf again, I’m sick of ramen.” Schuldig whined.

“Schuldig, stop being so hard on yourself, you’re not a whelp. And just because you’ve eaten too much ramen doesn’t mean you should give up on life.” Nagi said.

Then they heard the deranged laugh coupled with the thudding they’d heard earlier. Schuldig frowned, it was getting awfully repetitive, and Farfarello had yet to respond to their presence.

He walked over to the corner where he found a tape recorder playing a continuous loop of Farfarello sound effects. The window was open again. “Well, we’re safe, let’s go to bed.” Schuldig decided, plopping onto the floor.

“We have to tell Crawford-san!” Nagi whimpered.

“You tell him.” Schuldig snapped.

“He locked the door!” Nagi yelped.

“Just go to sleep. The police will bring Farf in tomorrow.” Schuldig said. “Damn this floor is uncomfortable.”

“What if he comes back?” Nagi asked.

“Then he’ll kill you. Maybe he can cut you open and I can warm myself with your skins wampa style.” Schuldig suggested.

Nagi’s lower lip trembled. Then he started wailing.

“Shaddup!” Schuldig snapped. “Hey! You stop when I tell you to shut up!” Nagi continued to wail. Schuldig got up and walked over to Nagi, poking at his shoulder. “Dude! You’ll wake up Crawford and then we’ll get in trouble! Do you wanna get kicked out?! Do you wanna spend Christmas out on the streets with the homeless crazy Santa people and Farf?!”

Nagi’s wail seemed to get louder then. So Schuldig gave him a good hard kick and the wall blew up. Schuldig stared for a minute at the snowy ground and the tree that had been next to Farf’s window when there had been a window.

“It’s like a garage door opener.” Schuldig declared.

Nagi stopped crying. “What are we gonna do now?” Nagi asked quietly.

“Well we’re not sleeping in here. There’s too much of a damn draft!” Schuldig exclaimed.

“What the hell did you do to my room?” Farfarello asked. “I go out to get presents for you and you destroy my personal property!?”

“Should the presents be bloody like that?” Nagi whispered to Schuldig.

“It means they’re fresh.” Schuldig answered. Nagi made a high pitched squeaking noise again.

Crawford unlocked and opened the bedroom door. “What the hell was that noi-holy…” He just stopped there, staring at the outside.

“I brought presents and they broke my room! I demand justice!” Farfarello exclaimed, walking slowly towards Nagi and Schuldig. Schuldig gave him a bored look while Nagi whimpered and ran behind Crawford’s legs.

Farfarello continued until he was standing in front of Schuldig. Schuldig patted him on the head. “That’ll do Farf, that’ll do.”

“I’m gonna kill you you delusional freak of nature!” Farfarello screamed.

“That’s rich coming from you!” Schuldig returned.

Crawford grabbed them both by their collars and pulled them into the house. He shut and locked the door and then assessed the sleep sofa.

LIL' LATER

The four members of Schwarz were, for the moment, sleeping peacefully. Well, three of the four. Farfarello was muzzled and wearing his straightjacket and footie-jammies, visions of bloodied clergy members dancing through his head. Schuldig had finally drifted off in a position that was not healthy for his back in any shape, way or form, but avoided the razor spring. And Nagi was sandwiched between them, eyes wide open, shaking fearfully.

Crawford couldn’t fit on the couch, so he’d stolen the blanket and was sleeping on the floor next to it, to be awoken in the morning with feet on his face and chest.

And Nagi stayed awake the whole night, afraid to sleep. He saw no Santa that night, but rather a half asleep Crawford pulling a few crappy presents out of the closet.

PRESENT

“So…that’s how I found out about Santa.” Nagi explained.

“That’s horrible! But I’m not sure if it beats seeing Santa arrested and shot.” Omi said, considering.

“You still had your delusions.” Nagi said with a shrug. “Besides, tally up the lasting results. I found out I was going to be sharing a home with Schuldig and Farf for who knows how much longer.”

“True.” Omi thought about it a moment longer. “I don’t know whose was worse. What did Farf get you anyway? Severed body parts?”

“No, he just stole presents from other people. Crawford got a teddie, not a teddie bear, like lingerie. I got a diamond bracelet that turned out to be fake when we hocked it, and Schuldig got a Sega game cartridge.”

“Well that last one’s not that bad.” Omi said.

“We didn’t have a Sega.” Nagi said flatly.

“So anyway Nagi-kun…you were gonna give me my present?” Omi reminded him. “That’s why I let you haul me up the side of the apartment again. By the way, for real, we’re never doing that again.”

“Fine.” Nagi said reluctantly. “But you look cute all panicky.”

“That’s not nice to say. But thank you for calling me cute! You really think I-no! We’re not doing that again!” Omi squeaked.

Nagi handed him a small, neatly wrapped box with a bow on it. “I couldn’t really think of anything so it’s kinda clichéd.” Nagi said with a frown.

Omi opened his present. He squealed and strangle hugged Nagi’s neck. “Omigawd omigawd a promise ring! Thank you Nagi-kun! Yay! I love it!”

“Ack! Neck! Breathe!” Nagi gasped. Omi let go and put the ring on, giggling with a dumb smile plastered onto his face.

“Glad you like it.” Nagi rasped. “Where’s mine?”

“I didn’t get you a promi-oh!” Omi reached into his backpack and pulled out a much more elaborately wrapped gift, full of curled ribbon and a homemade card. It was a bitch to unwrap with all of the tape, and Nagi finally got frustrated and shredded the wrapping job with his powers.

Out popped a Savage Garden single. It was the song ‘Truly Madly Deeply’.

“What the hell? I don’t even like American music. Is this some sort of joke?” Nagi asked. “Where’s the real present?”

Omi’s eyes went wide and watery. “W-what? You’re joking, right Nagi-kun?” Omi asked carefully, his voice cracking a bit.

“Savage Garden’s crap! Are you okay Omi? Omi?” Nagi asked.

Omi burst into tears. He hucked the promise ring at his head and ran from the room. Nagi followed him, very confused, and watched him run out the apartment door. “Omi! Omi!”

“When did he get here? Why was he in your room?” Crawford asked. He was sitting in the living room with the others, all of whom had been shocked to see Omi run through the room.

“What did you do to him?” Farfarello asked. “What did you do to the bringer of food?!”

Schuldig stopped Nagi at the door. “Dude, if he’s that upset you always wait before you talk. You’ll only make it worse.”

“Outta the way Schuldig!” Nagi yelled, flinging him across the room with his powers.

“Wait! Nagi! He’s right this time!” Crawford said, pulling Nagi back with Farf’s aid. “For once he’s right!”

“Ow!” Schuldig whined loudly. He’d landed on the coffee table and subsequently broken it. “My back! There’s something wrong with my back!”

“What did you do?” Crawford asked.

“I didn’t do anything! I gave him my present and he liked it! And then he gave me this!” And he held up the Savage Garden single. “It’s not even a full CD, it’s just the single and I hate this band!”

“Dude! That’s the first song you ever danced to you idiot! That’s your song!” Schuldig yelled, then moaned in pain.

“What?” Nagi asked, feeling really, really shitty. He pounced on another thought before he fell into a depression. “How do you know that?”

“I was there!” Schuldig reminded him.

“Oh. Shit.”